formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi

From Twitter 12-30-2009

• 08:02:07: Is it possible to cry underwater?
  
• 12:54:57: RT @TheCosmicJester: Do As I Say, Not As I Do Dept: Proponent of "traditional marriage" Karl Rove just got a divorce.
  
• 12:55:52: RT @PhoenixCub: RT @IMAX It's #FreeTicketTuesday!! Follow us and RT this for your chance to win a pair of #IMAX movie tickets!!
  
• 12:55:57: RT @PhoenixCub: RT @cheesecake: Last Chance! RT & Follow @Cheesecake Factory 2day 4 chance 2 win 1 of 12 $25 Gift Cards & more! Rules ht ...
  
• 13:09:04: RT @ajpreyes: OMG, love it!!! http://bit.ly/8oIXBO u-tube, totally work safe #CoH #fb
  
• 13:22:07: RT @TheCosmicJester: @mfrutig @michaelparisi @phoenixcub The idea of ending a sentence with a preposition is one that up with which I wi ...
  
• 15:01:39: Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  
• 22:01:38: I like my tea the way I like my women. Shipped in from Asia.
  

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From Twitter 12-29-2009

• 01:04:12: Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi
  
• 01:23:33: Final total for the gambling trip: +$50.00!!! Woo hoo!!!!!
  
• 08:03:35: What disease did cured ham actually have?
  
• 15:01:37: How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
  
• 18:00:07: Help name my new kitten! Her eyes match Sarabi, not Nala!! http://twitpic.com/vsxqn http://twitpic.com/vsxqj http://twitpic.com/vsxqm
  
• 22:02:16: Has anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy??
  

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From Twitter 12-28-2009

• 08:09:24: How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures??
  
• 15:01:31: Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway!
  
• 18:49:33: At @Harrahs_AkChin Casino with @PhoenixCub. Wish us luck!!
  
• 22:01:14: Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
  

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From Twitter 12-26-2009

• 08:05:12: When I was a kid I used to have an imaginary friend, but now that I'm on Facebook, I have over 700!
  
• 15:01:48: You gotta hand it to the Microsoft marketing team. Getting others to take the blame for Windows 7 is a great idea!
  
• 18:01:53: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 22:01:09: The answer may not lie at the bottom of a bottle, but I always like to check.
  
• 22:43:14: Q:Livers or gizzards? A:Uuuummmmmm... Neither. http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/6932137 #formspringme
  
• 22:47:51: Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi
  
• 23:09:02: RT @loveandgluttony: "Playing naked Twister by yourself is no fun...nor was it worth getting oiled up for." (via @twistedpfister) // Unl ...
  
• 23:14:08: RT @SDHryRedHd: @MichaelParisi Merry Christmas, Michael!
  
• 23:19:28: RT @PhoenixCub: Here are some pictures of @michaelparisi's and my trip to Las Vegas last week. :-) http://tr.im/Irgf
  
• 23:25:08: RT @PhoenixCub: Playing my favorite slot machine. RT @MichaelParisi: It's a (Village People) PARTY with @PhoenixCub up in hyah!!! http:/ ...
  
• 23:28:21: No one sent me dirty pictures for Christmas. I'm very sad about that!! :-(
  

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From Twitter 12-25-2009

• 00:04:01: RT @univheights75: Have you ever pictured santa naked? Now try getting it out of your head!
  http://twitpic.com/v23wj (via @DannyNCincy)
  
• 06:04:08: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! :-D
  
• 08:02:29: Twit·ter - ˈtwɪt-ər - noun - The bit of skin between the twat and the shitter.
  
• 12:05:12: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:35: I may not be a member of the Mile High Club, but at least I'll always have my membership of the Six Feet Under Club.
  
• 16:35:03: It has been one looong shitty fucked-up day!! Dinner at Karen's should make it all better...
  
• 22:01:25: My girlfriend just told me we are going to have anal sex again tonight. I hate prison.
  

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From Twitter 12-24-2009

• 01:28:47: Random lukewarm Chinese buffet... NEVER again!!
  
• 08:07:05: I won The Godfather box set on eBay last night. Some might say that I gave him an offer that he couldn't refuse.
  
• 15:01:16: My uncle is a professional counterfeiter. Really!! He has the certificates to prove it!
  
• 22:01:13: Is it only me who finds it suspicious that Santa knows the alarm code?
  
• 22:32:00: RT @MixMutt: Bitch, I didn't slap you. I was high-fiving your face.
  
• 22:35:45: Q:What are you most excited about rig... A:Right now, I'm excited to work tomo... http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/5786774 #formspringme
  
• 22:37:02: Q:If you could have an endless supply... A:Pizza for sure!! From Round Table ... http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/5786773 #formspringme
  
• 22:38:42: Q:If you had access to a time machine... A:To my mom's 62nd birthday dinner: A... http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/5786775 #formspringme
  
• 22:39:47: Q:do you like perez hilton? A:Well, I don't *dislike* Perez Hilton......... http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/5788202 #formspringme
  
• 22:40:06: Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi
  
• 23:59:01: I do this every year: http://twitpic.com/uzu5j /via @cwboldt | HAHAHA!!!
  
• 23:59:18: RT @cwboldt: Two nuns are riding their bikes around Rome. One nun says "I've never come this way before." The other turns & says, "Its t ...
  

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From Twitter 12-23-2009

• 00:45:16: RT @Tr_av_is: "Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bedrock"
  
• 00:57:30: Ask me anything!! http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi
  
• 08:01:46: Ad: Send a free personalized holiday card today! I sent a "Rockin' Santa" to my friend back home. http://bit.ly/4C6BBf
  
• 08:02:21: If I had a dollar for everytime someone told me I have ADHD then I would have oh look a bird!!
  
• 15:01:35: I'm not condescending! I'm just too busy thinking about far more important things that you wouldn't understand...
  
• 15:44:52: Just saw Avatar in IMAX 3D. Three words: Double-U, Oh, Double-U!!!!!!
  
• 18:01:29: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.
  
• 22:01:08: I just saw two men rubbing garbanzo beans on each other. They must have been hummusexuals!
  

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From Twitter 12-22-2009

• 00:28:15: There is now a quiet mutual interest forming between @BayleeDutchess and the little one!! <crossing fingers>
  
• 00:42:19: Oh goody!! And now they're not afraid to fight!! :-/
  
• 01:38:47: RT @SashaCTLC: lmao RT @mycherrymoon: #youknowyourfat when your ass is too damn lazy to spell YOU'RE correctly
  
• 08:02:22: Don't you just hate pointless rhetorical questions?
  
• 10:22:58: Ad: Do you know how to make perfect gourmet gravy? Check out this video from Club House Gravy under Tip 1. http://bit.ly/8abOIC
  
• 14:11:52: Ad: Make backups of your Blu-Ray movies to standard DVD-RW with amazing HD quality with 123 Media Max. Copies DVDs too! http://bit.ly/8qYVtr
  
• 15:02:04: Britney Spears needs collagen injections around her mouth. Lately I’ve noticed her lips sinking.
  
• 19:09:33: Eeeew... They're mating!! At WORK!!! :-( http://twitpic.com/uqd5f
  
• 19:13:07: Just a taste of why they had named her MeowMeow Kitty!! This goes on 24/7!!!!! http://twitvid.com/2243C
  
• 19:14:48: I know exactly what u mean!! RT @Shoshannah7 I'm officially an addict. I'm out of coffee and now I have an headache.
  
• 19:25:16: Me with the little one!! http://twitpic.com/uqfnh
  
• 19:53:41: Schweet!! I just got an invite to be a Neilson Ratings Family. Cool!!!
  
• 20:10:33: Oops, I meant Nielsen, not Neilson... :-/
  
• 22:01:25: Q: What did the redneck say when his girlfriend broke up with him?
  A: "Can we still be cousins?"
  

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From Twitter 12-21-2009

• 22:01:15: Two condoms are walking past a gay bar. One turns to the other and says, "Come on, let's get shit faced!"
  
• 23:25:13: Missing post from 3pm: "Every time I accidentally say the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate."
  
• 23:25:35: Missing post from 8am: "If you can't convince them, confuse them."
  
• 23:28:17: Previously named MeowMeowKitty but will change! Any ideas? http://twitpic.com/um3j5 http://twitpic.com/um3jb http://twitpic.com/um3jc
  

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From Twitter 12-20-2009

• 08:02:01: I left Las Vegas with a small fortune. Unfortunately, I arrived there with a large fortune!
  
• 15:01:22: Today at work there was a meeting about staff apathy and poor attendance. I didn't feel like going...
  
• 22:01:28: Facebook Mobile: For when there's no other reading material when you're having a poo.
  

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From Twitter 12-19-2009

• 08:05:04: Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that!!
  
• 15:01:22: People don't believe me, but I have Tourettes. I swear.
  
• 17:05:49: My foot's not as bad as the bloody sock made it look!! Amputation avoided!! :-)
  
• 22:01:41: Taking a leak on a moving train is the ultimate test of balance, accuracy, and outright courage!
  

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From Twitter 12-18-2009

• 08:01:22: If Pinocchio said his nose was about to grow, what would happen?
  
• 12:05:10: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 14:27:14: Ad: Get the best deals! Innovative,inexpensive,risk free. Profit goes 2 charity! Use code BTP1202A 4 extra bids. PLZ RT http://bit.ly/7Q3GfM
  
• 15:01:09: RT @STEVIEWONDER dhmggnnfbh zrseb,9ipopwer,9cpcu wm8-388-m8- r8- 97nfauisddjfcmn vn s jk acfmiiomex.as,, l jk ihro3ir
  
• 22:01:14: I asked my boyfriend for anal sex last night. He took it the wrong way...
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 215th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-17-2009

• 01:26:52: What's up with the little circle where my 3G or Edge indicator should be?! :-/ http://twitpic.com/tuszb
  
• 01:41:25: Hahaha True dat!!! http://twitpic.com/tuuhr
  
• 01:41:26: Hmph!! I disagree!! LOL http://twitpic.com/tuuhy
  
• 01:47:47: Really?! For WHAT?!?! http://twitpic.com/tuugt
  
• 01:47:48: Uuuuuhhhhhhhh... What?!?! http://twitpic.com/tuuhi
  
• 08:06:03: We have a new girl at work named Sue Render. She's French.
  
• 15:01:37: Politicians can be dangerous to your wealth.
  
• 22:01:05: I'm all for equality!! That's why we should let women work longer hours so they can make as much as men!
  

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From Twitter 12-16-2009

• 21:07:17: With all wins and losses considered, this trip only cost me $75.00 plus food!! :-)
  
• 22:01:11: Q: Why is 70 the hardest number to say?
  A: Because after 69, your mouth is full!
  
• 22:20:10: Driving thru the desert with @PhoenixCub, ice warnings, and singing along full-volume to ABBA!! Life is good...
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 213th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-15-2009

• 00:29:40: In Vegas with @PhoenixCub for my birthday!! :-) http://twitpic.com/tldkv http://twitpic.com/tldl3 http://twitpic.com/tldl4
  
• 00:40:02: At Fitzgerald's (where I turned 21 & gambled/drank legally for the 1st time) waiting for midnight when I'll turn 31! Mom was with me then...
  
• 00:47:48: Waiting for midnight at mom's favorite game hopefully her spirit will give me luck!! http://twitpic.com/tlf50
  
• 08:02:04: I have a fear of two-letter words. I get scared just thinking about it.
  
• 15:02:04: I keep a fake journal claiming I've done monumental stuff so if I ever have amnesia, I'm gonna think I'm AWESOME!
  
• 18:49:30: I'm at @RioVegas with @PhoenixCub for the Carnival World Buffet!! Yaaay!! :-) http://twitpic.com/tov68
  
• 22:01:05: I'm glad my Facebook isn't a real book. Many of the pages would be stuck together by now...
  
• 23:50:10: Just took my 212th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-14-2009

• 08:01:21: Unemployment - it's just not working!
  
• 15:02:02: I prefer to think Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely?" was written out of a genuine question he had.
  
• 16:09:59: Yaaaay!! Karen got me Sprinkles birthday cupcakes!! :-D http://twitpic.com/tjkj9 http://twitpic.com/tjkhx
  
• 18:33:53: Waiting at Wal-Mart for @PhoenixCub to get back from the gas station. If this Salvation Army guy doesn't STFU, I'm gonna rip his bells off!!
  
• 22:01:26: Ladies: Eve was the ONLY woman who can get away with saying "I haven't got a thing to wear"!!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 211th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-13-2009

• 03:27:37: RT @StarbucksTink: "Good heavens, it appears my wewe has been stricken with rigormortis" rofl i love stewie!!!
  
• 08:01:18: Jockeys who drug their animals should get off their high horses!!
  
• 15:01:29: "Twilight" - The story of a young woman's choice to practice either bestiality or necrophilia.
  
• 20:07:18: RT @thisisunique: Someone needs to spoof the Gap kids commercial with grown men doing the same "cheer" about winter clothes. "how cute r ...
  
• 20:24:39: I fucking hate migraines!! Wasted the whole damn day recovering!! But at least only 24 more hours until Vegas!!!
  
• 22:01:16: Q: What do wives and clouds have in common?
  A: It's usually a good day when they're not around!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 210th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-12-2009

• 08:01:50: Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  
• 15:01:11: I'm certainly no coward! If I've got something to say, I'll say it to your Facebook!!
  
• 18:02:12: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 18:09:16: I personally sold 21 pounds of Christmas Blend today! :-D Oh, & our ENTIRE region is out of Caramel Brûlée sauce! :-(
  
• 18:33:52: Wow, @BayleeDutchess just turned down the whipped cream I just offered her. She has never liked people food!
  
• 22:01:15: "A.D.O.S." - Attention Deficit...Oooh Shiny!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 209th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-11-2009

• 00:37:38: ME TOO!!!! RT @J1970K: Rachel Maddow just "dude'd" a guest on her show. I officially love her.
  
• 08:01:31: The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions.
  
• 11:05:24: My shorts ripped open at work and it's too busy to leave. <in monotone> yay...
  
• 15:06:52: Keep the dream alive. Hit the snooze button.
  
• 17:15:33: It's been a really hard day. I've been thinking about my Mom @PatParisi. A lot of regrets. Thank God I have @BayleeDutchess...
  
• 19:47:10: Curling up with sitcoms and a press of (STARBUCKS)RED coffee hoping to stay relaxed. Maybe I'll take a bath...
  
• 21:37:36: Tough day... G'nite!
  
• 22:02:26: Better late than pregnant.
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 208th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-10-2009

• 00:28:02: Sadly, I had to vanilla my iPhone to get Push working again. I hope it's only temporary so I can get the good apps back soon!!
  
• 08:03:06: Aibohphobia is the fear of palindromes. Get it??
  
• 09:57:44: C'mon, green lights!!!
  
• 11:41:31: Ad: Claim your spot on the internet's 5-mile-high Christmas Tree! Let's light it together! http://bit.ly/4tbKyL
  
• 15:01:54: Why do zombies always have to be the bad guys? That's just profiling!
  
• 22:01:13: A man approached me in a bar tonight and said "I'm so drunk, I'm pissing out tequila'... I can't believe I fell for it!
  
• 23:18:42: I offered a policeman a donut to go with his coffee today..... Wasn't quite as funny to him as I had hoped!! :-/
  
• 23:22:22: My peeve is "gay" used as slang for "bad". Today a guy said "straight" as slang for "cool". I'm not sure how I feel about it. Your thoughts?
  
• 23:28:50: Great commercial about gay/lesbian sensitivity. Theres a whole series of these! RT @Joselito4390 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C277qAKpUaQ
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 207th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-09-2009

• 01:36:23: I got a text but no push... :-(
  
• 08:10:33: MTV Cribs makes me not feel bad for downloading music illegally!!
  
• 14:19:57: RT @HootSuite: Everybody dance now! 19 hours until the HootSuite iPhone app is live. RT to win a free copy. http://hootsuite.com/iphone
  
• 14:20:06: RT @HootSuite: Hootie Hoo! RT this for a chance to win a free HootSuite iPhone app. Only 18 hrs until it's live! http://hootsuite.com/iphone
  
• 14:20:12: RT @HootSuite: There's an owl for that! HootSuite iPhone app live in 17 hrs. RT for chance to win. http://hootsuite.com/iphone
  
• 15:01:21: When life gets tough, just remember: You were the strongest sperm!!
  
• 18:01:04: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.
  
• 22:01:12: I fed the neighbor kids some radioactive laxatives the other day... You should have seen their little feces light up!!
  
• 23:50:13: Just took my 206th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-08-2009

• 08:01:06: Why do celebrities work so hard to become well-known, then try so hard to avoid being recognized?!
  
• 15:01:32: If you think your boss is stupid, just remember that you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter!
  
• 19:15:32: Dumb bitch today takes OFF the fucking lid to hot coffee to complain that it's too full. She then thrusts it back at me and burns me too!
  
• 19:33:49: http://mikeyp.us/sqvbr - Who knew Kermit was such a slut?!?!
  
• 22:01:25: Going to McDonald's for a salad is like buying a three inch dildo. Why bother?!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 205th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-07-2009

• 08:03:16: An old woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital. So I pushed her under a bus.
  
• 15:03:12: Isn't it sad that we live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.
  
• 19:55:26: RT @WTFtweets: RT @mstweet08 #uknowuneedlotion if u try to rub ur spit on the ashy parts of ur hand..lmao
  
• 20:03:34: ROFLMFAO!!!!! RT @MixMutt: Our Xmas tree only drinks Perrier, bitches.
  
• 20:57:21: RT @Stevenfrombb10: RT @NOH8Campaign: http://twitpic.com/smcy5 - The citycouncil members of west Hollywood CA just declared Dec 13th the ...
  
• 21:03:01: RT @BronxBebe: NJJJJJ JUST VOTED 7-6 ON GAY MARRIAGE EQUALITY!NOW TO THE SENATE ON THURSDAY!CMON LETS GET THIS DONE!
  
• 21:12:01: Going to bed waaaaaay early for some much-needed shuteye!!
  
• 22:01:36: I've had sex with more than 20 straight guys. Buying that pistol was the best thing I ever did!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 204th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-06-2009

• 05:46:50: RT @Glinner: If Twitter is going to be accepted into the mainstream, it needs to have a less silly name, like Google. /via @serafinowicz
  
• 05:55:18: RT @soulboykirk: RT @CosensMLMtools: After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said ...
  
• 06:00:15: RT @phaoloo: 15 Stupidest Warning Labels http://bit.ly/102zeR
  
• 06:13:21: Are u freakin' KIDDING me?! -----Via @LvrOfDisney: British Reality TV stars on animal cruelty charge for eating rat: http://bit.ly/75wzbq
  
• 08:01:30: Whatisthelongbuttonatthebottomofthekeyboardfor?
  
• 15:01:13: I married a black guy once. The contrast on each side of the church was amazing - his side all black, my side all empty.
  
• 22:01:05: I found some sperm on my shoulder today. I don't know what came over me!
  
• 23:22:19: RT @argentchampion: RT @PhoenixHell: Why is a Christmas tree better than a man? It stays up for 12 days & nights, has cute balls,& looks ...
  
• 23:33:01: RT @SaveEastwick: #SaveEastwick RT
  
• 23:33:20: RT @SaveEastwick: Don't Stop The Magic #SaveEastwick RT
  
• 23:33:43: RT @SaveEastwick: #ShameOnYouABC for the Adam Lambert thing and for cancelling Eastwick. #Saveeastwick
  
• 23:34:36: RT @argentchampion: @SaveEastwick I could listen to Darrell read the phonebook.
  #saveeastwick
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 203rd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 23:50:27: RT @JLust1022: Who wants a No H8 photo. Next shoot is Sunday, December 13th from 6-8PM at Marbella Nightclub in Hollywood. #noh8 @noh8 ...
  

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From Twitter 12-05-2009

• 01:49:44: RT @cinemascribe: Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one. #TigerJokes
  
• 02:58:01: Just over 30 days, and I'm done with BOTH my passports!! :-) http://twitpic.com/s834p
  
• 08:04:04: I'm not bald! I'm just taller than my hair!
  
• 14:31:30: RT @CitizenKurt: Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
  
• 15:01:14: If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?
  
• 22:01:19: If women are so good at multitasking, why can’t they have a headache AND sex?
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 202nd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-04-2009

• 08:02:24: If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  
• 11:03:52: I never thought it would be, but a Green Tea Créme Frappuccino with Juicy Raspberry Syrup at @Starbucks is really good!!
  
• 13:06:48: A sad Elizabeth after an unfortunate whipped cream situation... <secretly chuckling> http://twitpic.com/s4vy3
  
• 13:10:58: I'm "special" in an "alternate hand-off" kind of way!! http://twitpic.com/s4wkr
  
• 13:13:22: And with this French Roast coffee press, I'm done with my Coffee Passport!! This was Monday -- boo yah!!! http://twitpic.com/s4wzg
  
• 15:01:21: Facebook: Making it look like fat girls have friends since 2004.
  
• 22:01:22: I remember the first time I had sex...I kept the receipt!!
  
• 22:49:52: Ryan was great!! The show was great!! Now I wanna ride Sweeney's chair!!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 201st mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-03-2009

• 03:56:19: FUCK YOU, ABC!!! When are you gonna stop?? I'm sick of it!!! #Eastwick
  
• 08:03:04: Has anyone else noticed how long it takes to spell "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" using Alpha-Bits cereal??
  
• 15:02:32: Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
  
• 18:40:39: RT @MrPookieBlack: If I choose to procrastinate later, isn't that procrastination?
  
• 22:01:29: They say men use love to get sex & woman use sex to get love. I use roofies to get sex & Stockholm Syndrome to get love!
  
• 23:50:10: Just took my 200th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-02-2009

• 00:03:27: Hey @Survivor_Tweet, when are you gonna cast me for the show??
  
• 08:01:05: Q: What do you say to a one legged hitch-hiker?
  A: Hop in!
  
• 15:01:18: Is it just me or do Asian folks look like they're sleepwalking?
  
• 18:02:20: RT TheCosmicJester ...Jesus' 1st car? I couldn't tell u, but the apostles carpooled: They "...all continued with one Accord" -KJV, Acts 1:1
  
• 18:04:15: Gorgeous, bright red harvest moon -- full, no less -- low over downtown right now!!
  
• 22:01:45: I recently got a job at a prison brothel. It has pros and cons.
  
• 23:50:15: Just took my 199th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-01-2009

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From Twitter 11-30-2009

• 08:05:04: If you really loved me you wouldn't accuse me of emotional blackmail...
  
• 10:46:41: Would have been nice if @PeiWei had TOLD me they weren't open when I called in my lunch order. Wasted half my damn lunch getting there!!
  
• 15:01:03: They say that statistically 1 in 3 men are gay. I always thought 3 in 1 man was gay!!
  
• 22:01:12: Q: What do you call a fat girl that has been raped?
  A: A liar!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 197th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-29-2009

• 00:04:13: Just took my 196th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:01:28: I've never understood the concept of car clamping. You don't want the car to park there, yet u clamp it? Fucking genius!
  
• 15:01:22: Q: What's the best time for a woman to get a sun tan?
  A: While out hanging the clothes on the line, of course!!
  
• 17:13:17: Behold: Frapple® Pie Créme Frappuccino® (I shouldve used cup drizzle). My name-not my recipe. Want it @Starbucks? http://twitpic.com/riryv
  
• 22:02:06: All women try to say size doesn't matter. But you never see a three inch dildo, do you?!
  

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From Twitter 11-28-2009

• 00:29:42: RT @FunnyJoker Who was the first person to look at a chicken and think "I'm gonna eat the 1st thing that comes out of his butt"? @phoenixcub
  
• 08:01:21: Cult - 'kəlt - noun - A small, unpopular religion.
  Re·li·gion - ri-'li-jən - noun - A large, popular cult.
  
• 15:01:26: Ticket-takers...you've got to hand it to 'em!
  
• 18:01:19: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 22:01:35: I just bought an inflatable rubber sex doll. I chose the Muslim version. It blows itself up.
  
• 23:59:25: Just took my 195th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-27-2009

• 01:02:35: Just finished a wonderful date with a hot young Navy sailor.........who wants to see me again!! WOO HOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
  
• 02:43:20: It's like my own private Fleet Week!! :-D
  
• 08:02:38: I've been wondering: When Sting dies, will he be called 'Stung'??
  
• 14:33:34: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:20: My friend has an ear fetish. I told him to be careful or he might get hearing aids!
  
• 22:01:38: Q: What do you call a hooker at Christmas?
  A: A frostitute!
  
• 23:11:13: I learned some things during my 11 hr shift. 1) I can make an Apple Pie Frappuccino®. 2) OJ-Nog is REALLY GOOD! [2 parts OJ, 1 part Egg Nog]
  

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From Twitter 11-26-2009

• 08:03:32: Have you heard about these new cannibal restaurants? Good food and reasonably priced! Only about $15 a head!!
  
• 12:01:28: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! :-)
  
• 15:01:39: I've used up all my sick days, so tomorrow I'm calling in dead.
  
• 22:01:27: Too many cocks spoil the brothel.
  

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From Twitter 11-25-2009

• 08:04:03: Just saw an ad for the Michael Jackson film "This Is It". I hate to be picky, but shouldn't it be called "That Was It"?
  
• 15:01:15: My yoga teacher always gives us too much Om work.
  
• 18:01:25: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.
  
• 22:01:55: Q: What do all wife beaters have in common?
  A: Disobediant wives!
  

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From Twitter 11-24-2009

• 08:02:06: On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  
• 15:02:08: Why do old women all have the same haircut?
  
• 20:56:01: Why are we the only animal for whom exposed teeth shows friendliness and not agression?!
  
• 22:01:37: Q: What language do gay Jews speak?
  A: Heblew.
  

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From Twitter 11-23-2009

• 08:07:07: I'm not afraid of flying. I am, however, afraid of being 35,000 feet in the air and suddenly *not* flying.
  
• 15:01:15: My worst fear is being stuck in a burning car with a baby. The rescuers aren't gonna fuckin' pull ME out first!!
  
• 22:01:48: Q: How much calcium can you get from sucking on a nipple?
  A: Apparently enough to grow a bone!
  

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From Twitter 11-22-2009

• 08:01:27: Can you still take the elevator if the fire is in the stairway??
  
• 15:01:19: Why do mothers take their children to the supermarket just to smack them?!
  
• 18:09:05: http://twitpic.com/qkqri - Sometimes @BatleeDutchess gives me no choice!!
  
• 18:11:24: http://twitpic.com/qkr2i - This is how I'll stay warm this winter, thanks to @BayleeDutchess!!
  
• 19:00:50: Mmmmm... Tacos........ http://twitpic.com/qky80
  
• 19:09:49: I was so trying to avoid it, but I've now discovered the joys of a Caramel Macchiato!! Somebody stop me!! :-/
  
• 20:02:20: http://twitpic.com/ql76m - #Engrish #fail at @PandaExpressInc!! Hehe
  
• 22:01:24: Some call it premature ejaculation. I call it efficient time management!
  

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From Twitter 11-21-2009

• 08:01:26: Q: How many fat people does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: They don't need to. The fridge has its own light!
  
• 15:01:21: I took a fistful of Ex-Lax and huffed some nitrous oxide just for shits and giggles!
  
• 18:02:25: Cool! I'm part of a beta retweet group on Twitter!! Y'all jealous?!?! Hehehe
  
• 22:01:15: Have you seen the new German microwave? It seats 20.
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 194th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-20-2009

• 08:02:09: Bulimics are just anorexics who support the economy.
  
• 12:05:17: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:45: I like my women like I like my dinner. In the kitchen!
  
• 22:01:38: Having the cold or flu is the only time a guy can keep tissues by his bed without people getting suspicious.
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 193rd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-19-2009

• 08:00:14: Win awesome prizes with Microsoft. Just follow @microsofttag and RT http://bit.ly/3l8mDF #ad
  
• 08:08:04: CONGRATULATIONS!! You have reached the level of 'Social Retard' in Farmville!
  
• 09:02:29: Why am I hitting EVERY red light today?!?! Grrrrrrrrrr
  
• 15:01:19: Why do people in wheelchairs get 2 board planes 1st? It's not like they have 2 stand around waiting like the rest of us!
  
• 22:01:30: Can you help me with a crossword puzzle?? It's a 6-letter word for "Jewish Baker": H _ T L _ R
  
• 22:41:25: It's so nice to see Phantom again with the real chandelier all the parts back in! :-) Now I gotta prepare to work after no sleep!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 192nd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-18-2009

• 01:24:41: I wanted to see 2012. I saw 2012. Still not quite sure how I feel about 2012...
  
• 08:01:11: Q: How do you make your dishwasher sweep the floor?
  A: Put a broom in the bitches hand!
  
• 14:11:34: Proofreading FAIL!! That 8am post should be "bitch's", not "bitches". Possessive, not plural. My bad!!!
  
• 15:01:04: Last week I exposed myself while on vacation in Tokyo. Never again though! It was just a flash in Japan.
  
• 22:01:34: I call my Asian girlfriend 'Panda'. It's not a racial slur...it's that she's usually walking around with 2 black eyes.
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 191st mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-17-2009

• 08:01:20: My ex-boyfriend came around the other day... Grrrr! Next time, I'll have to up the dosage!
  
• 15:01:04: Employers can avoid hiring unlucky people by randomly throwing away half the resumes up front!
  
• 22:01:24: My boyfriend said that I feel big inside him. Apparently, "You feel so big around me!" is NOT the right response!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 190th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-16-2009

• 08:06:14: Most men fantasize about having sex with two at once. I fantasize about getting just one to have sex with me twice!
  
• 15:02:08: Pres·sure - 'pre-shər - noun - Having a wife, mistress, and mortgage...ALL one month late.
  
• 17:15:59: Oh. My. God. My pharmacist is goooooorgeous!!!!!
  
• 21:47:06: http://twitpic.com/pu5z2 - Hehe! I love LOLcats!!
  
• 21:49:05: http://twitpic.com/pu66w - Biggest. Fail. EVER!!!!
  
• 21:53:08: http://twitpic.com/pu6l7 - I work with the freakin' hottest people!! Here's @CierraD -- wowie zowie!!!!!!
  
• 22:01:31: My boyfriend says he can't wait for the day I go down on one knee. Why would I bother when he ALREADY goes down on two?!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 189th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-15-2009

• 01:47:30: ATTENTION: @PhoenixCub is the proud owner of a new pair of Crocs. Congratulate him now...
  
• 02:02:33: Don't ask me how, but tonight I actually kicked MYSELF in the balls... Long story...
  
• 02:18:38: For the record, @PhoenixCub, the socks were necessary because I was trying on WORK shoes there!!
  
• 02:28:46: HAHAHA RT @alicam: I quite enjoy teaching my kids grammar. Had them stumped for a while on the silent P, as in "swimming". Hee hee.
  
• 03:01:19: It's fucking cold out here, and it's only 54F!! What's wrong with me?!?! LOL
  
• 08:02:31: Can people of mixed race be trusted? They do, after all, have a dark side!
  
• 15:01:29: Th chrch wnts 2 move fwd on female bishops, bt they cn only move diagonally! Gay priests go anywhere cuz they're queens!
  
• 22:01:30: Why the fuck does my girlfriend get pregnant so often?! Does she think I'm fucking made of wire coathangers?!?!
  
• 23:30:38: sponsored FOXnews reported #1 online $8 Rx glasses store: ZenniOptical.com. 5600+styles! Holiday Frames! Check it out. http://bit.ly/3GnDTJ
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 188th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-14-2009

• 01:25:32: Just saw the #SYTYCD Season 5 Tour!! Met ALL 12 of them!! Pictures to follow...
  
• 01:29:07: http://twitpic.com/pg74g - Here was the (unzoomed) view from my seat for the #SYTYCD Season 5 Tour!!
  
• 01:32:07: http://twitpic.com/pgoaj - Me with Kupono from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:33:03: http://twitpic.com/pgodf - Me with Caitlin from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:34:09: http://twitpic.com/pgogn - Me with Melissa from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:35:10: http://twitpic.com/pgoj2 - Me with Brandon from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:36:09: http://twitpic.com/pgoln - Me with Randi from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:37:04: http://twitpic.com/pgoo0 - Me with Jason from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:39:04: http://twitpic.com/pgot8 - Me with Evan from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:39:07: http://twitpic.com/pgotj - Me with Phillip from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:41:07: http://twitpic.com/pgoyl - Me with Jeanine from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:42:04: http://twitpic.com/pgp1k - Me with Kayla & Janette from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:43:09: http://twitpic.com/pgp4f - Me with Ade from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 08:01:29: I was disappointed when I discovered that therapistfinder.com helps people find psychological help! Very misleading! :-(
  
• 08:31:50: Thanks for the #ff, @teeco71
  
• 15:01:10: They say men can't multitask. That's not true! I'm taking a shit while I'm typing this up!!
  
• 17:20:01: I'm streaming video LIVE from my iPhone RIGHT NOW!! See what it's all about at http://mikeyp.us/Qik http://qik.ly/qXmg
  
• 17:22:56: I'm streaming video LIVE from my iPhone RIGHT NOW!! See what it's all about at http://mikeyp.us/Qik http://qik.ly/qXpU
  
• 17:31:04: I'm streaming video LIVE from my iPhone RIGHT NOW!! See what it's all about at http://mikeyp.us/Qik http://qik.ly/qXsf
  
• 18:01:23: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 22:01:47: My long term fuck buddy says I have a problem with commitment.
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 187th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-13-2009

• 00:22:12: Lol. Ok. Nite
  
• 08:02:27: Brick - 'brik - noun - A rectangular block of building material. Synonym - Poor man's roofies.
  
• 12:05:09: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:20: Am I the only person who would love to see boxing brought into the Special Olympics?!?!
  
• 18:14:14: Testing Tweety from Google Wave, thanks to @rellwood!! Thank you soooo much!! :-)
  
• 21:03:33: Well, I got in! I'm way on the side, but I got 2nd row for the #SYTYCD Season 5 tour!! :-D
  
• 22:01:05: Women are good for 70 reasons: 69 and cooking.
  
• 22:35:13: http://twitpic.com/pg74g -
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 186th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-12-2009

• 08:05:04: Since Muslim women can't show their faces, do they have Eyebook profiles instead??
  
• 15:01:33: I hate people with hat fetishes! If I ever meet one in person, I'll pop a cap in their ass!
  
• 17:48:17: No joke...I have not charged the Bluetooth speakerphone clipped to my sun visor in AT LEAST a yeah and a half!! How is it still working?!?!
  
• 22:01:21: I love waking up with a stiffy in the morning. But then again, I'm a necrophiliac...
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 185th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-11-2009

• 00:02:42: Just took my 184th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:08:03: Most popular last words: "Hey, watch this!"
  
• 15:03:17: My boyfriend told me he was constipated. So I kicked the shit out of him!
  
• 18:03:25: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.
  
• 19:05:15: i4vegas.com needs HONEST feedback on their new site design. Please "Send Feedback" link in UR corner of home pg sponsor http://bit.ly/qz4xv
  
• 22:02:31: I love when he screams my name during sex! I just wish he wouldn't close the blinds after he sees me!
  
• 22:44:30: Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't handicapped accessibility kinda a federal *requirement*?!?! #Glee #GleeOnFox
  

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From Twitter 11-10-2009

• 02:39:56: Just took my 183rd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:06:03: Sus·pi·cion - sə-'spi-shən - noun - When the only site showing in your boyfriend's browsing history is Google.
  
• 15:01:09: I have a photographic memory...I forget things in a flash!
  
• 22:01:51: You know it was a good wank when you wake up on the floor with a nosebleed!!
  
• 22:13:16: Jackie called me a green bean today!! Hehehe
  
• 22:29:19: Don't know what it is about this season's #SYTYCD, but I'm just not really feelin' it! The new set doesn't help! (Still love Mollee though!)
  

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From Twitter 11-09-2009

• 08:05:18: Apparently, ignorance is bliss. I wouldn’t know!!
  
• 15:02:12: U know u r addicted to Facebook when u start referring to yourself in the 3rd person in real life. Michael likes this.
  
• 16:34:26: 24 whole hours off!! Woo hooooooooo!!!!!
  
• 22:01:07: I'm worried!! One of my testicles is bigger than the other two. Is this normal?!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 182nd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-08-2009

• 00:15:41: Really?! No Taylor Swift interruption sketches on SNL?!?! I feel cheated!! Yo SNL: Give the people what they expect!!
  
• 08:02:30: I hate writing reports on industrial adhesives. I always get stuck!
  
• 15:01:23: Remember to always steal enough money to hire a lawyer to prove you are innocent!!
  
• 17:25:37: So cute!!! My cat @BayleeDutchess has now learned to drop the ball into my hand when plating fetch!! :-D
  
• 22:01:12: Q: Why don't witches wear panties?
  A: More grip on the broomstick!!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 181st mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-07-2009

• 08:06:09: Q: How do you make Holy Water?
  A: You just take regular tap water and boil the hell out of it!
  
• 12:27:13: http://twitpic.com/on9tj - I have saved the day!! We are all safe again!! :-)
  
• 15:01:21: The story of "Goldilocks" taught me that breaking into someone's house is ok as long as they have good food!
  
• 22:01:16: Q: What's the difference between my boyfriend and my Xbox?
  A: My Xbox doesn't have a red ring yet!
  
• 23:32:14: Just took my 180th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-06-2009

• 08:01:08: The next time someone says paper beats rock, I'll throw rocks at them and give them a piece of paper for protection.
  
• 12:05:14: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:13: My boyfriend said he wanted me to be more like his ex... So I dumped him!
  
• 17:40:09: http://twitpic.com/ojo9x - Beautiful orange sunset!!
  
• 17:54:41: On my way to the State Fair with @PhoenixCub.
  
• 18:22:08: http://twitpic.com/ojv1d - Our local 7-Eleven!! Wow!!
  
• 22:01:39: I was going to give up flashing , but decided to stick it out for another year.
  
• 23:04:34: Fact: It takes no longer than 4 hours to get thru the entire @AZStateFair!!
  
• 23:25:39: Yaaaay for the @AZStateFair!! :-D http://yfrog.com/2py21kj http://yfrog.com/72r0qj http://yfrog.com/5k1u7j
  
• 23:42:14: Yaaaay for the @AZStateFair!! :-D http://twitpic.com/ol31z http://twitpic.com/ol31x http://twitpic.com/ol327
  
• 23:50:16: Just took my 179th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-05-2009

• 05:53:35: RT @MichaelParisi Hey @Survivor_Samoa & @Survivor_CBS, when am I going to be cast on Survivor?!?!
  
• 08:11:08: Just letting you all know that due to the current economic climate I can no longer afford to pay attention.
  
• 15:01:50: I'm not stalking you! I'm admiring you from a distance...
  
• 16:44:16: Please please please sign up for this! There's a referral contest going on & I really wanna win it! http://bit.ly/4FZdjD
  
• 16:55:44: Please sign up using THIS referral link for a contest I really wanna win!! Use it, or don't, but please sign up! :-) http://bit.ly/4FZdjD
  
• 17:11:07: Is anyone getting spam-like DIRECT messages from me?? There seems to be something going around Twitter.... :-(
  
• 17:50:27: Don't miss @Survivor_Samoa tonight!! :-D
  
• 21:57:48: Watching "The Empire Strikes Back" with @PhoenixCub and realizing how gleefully bad it is!!
  
• 22:01:33: A reporter stopped me on the street & asked where I stand on gang rape? "About 4th in line" wasn't the expected answer!
  
• 23:50:10: Just took my 178th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-04-2009

• 01:37:09: Just finished watching "V" on ABC with @PhoenixCub. It's a good show!!!
  
• 08:05:03: My friend has just had emergency surgery on her hands. I keep calling to see how it went, but she’s not picking up.
  
• 10:01:27: Advertisement: Watches make great gifts! Head over to bluedial.com for great deals on watches from @bluedial! http://bit.ly/2P9Toh
  
• 16:23:46: Decided to stick with the iPhone over an Android by Motorola... It's too cool to pass up!!
  
• 16:26:19: http://twitpic.com/oan17 - If I keep getting one every week like this, I'm gonna run out of room!! :-P
  
• 16:59:02: Home from work with Chipotle and wearin' my Crocs! Now I'm gonna curl up with CBS and go to bed early! God, I'm old!! :-/
  
• 22:01:09: Drunk driving is whisky business!
  
• 22:33:15: Just took my 177th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-03-2009

• 12:18:53: Off work before noon, but oddly sticky!! :-/
  
• 13:13:33: sponsored Chat With Singles In Your ZIP Code!
  Find Local Singles to Chat With.
  Fun, FREE, and Exciting!
  http://bit.ly/ho19u
  
• 13:30:29: Ad: Enter the "Rock the Cheese" video contest from CheezDoodles. The best video wins a rockin' prize!! http://bit.ly/10RTiJ @cheezdudes
  
• 15:01:55: I keep asking Princess Leia out on a date and she keeps saying 'No'. I seem to be looking for love in Alderaan places.
  
• 19:40:59: God didn't rest on Day 7! He couldn't relax til Day 8 when He invented Crocs, then He rested 4 eternity!!! Did I mention they're heavenly?!
  
• 22:01:15: Q: What's the best thing about screwing a tranny?
  A: Doing a reach-around & pretending it's gone all the way through!
  
• 22:43:08: Original tart. @MoJoYogurt. @PhoenixCub. Silly bottom. 'Nuff said!!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 176th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-02-2009

• 01:18:12: Just took my 175th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 01:42:30: Effective now - NO MORE WARNINGS!! I will be crude and/or offensive at any time. Unfollow now if that bothers you! You've been warned!
  
• 08:04:03: I don't think my goldfish appreciates his castle. Ungrateful little shit!
  
• 08:04:54: Tuesday is Election Day in #NYC. Vote for better schools, a safer city, honest government. Vote Bloomberg! http://bit.ly/37mCEr #ad
  
• 09:12:44: November 3rd is Election Day in #NYC. Tweet Out The Vote! #twitter http://bit.ly/4c6tTg #ad
  
• 11:06:06: Lets keep a good thing going! Vote Bloomberg 11/3 #Yankees http://bit.ly/4lTcDA #ad
  
• 12:25:54: Tuesday is Election Day. Vote for better schools, a safer city. Vote Bloomberg! #Manhattan http://bit.ly/3a6HwP #ad
  
• 13:08:00: Tuesday is Election Day. Vote for better schools, honest government. Vote Bloomberg! #Brooklyn http://bit.ly/4BggfE #ad
  
• 14:03:47: Tuesday is Election Day. Vote for better schools, a safer city. Vote Bloomberg! #Queens http://bit.ly/3wBTVM #ad
  
• 17:59:10: I love that all the Apple Store workers are long-bearded hippies or Birkenstocked lezzies! That makes me smile!!
  

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From Twitter 11-01-2009

• 02:27:18: Fun Halloween gathering with @jime60647 (aka Helga Fugli), @foubouphx, then burgers at Delux with @phoenixcub and our GORGEOUS waiter Tyler!
  
• 08:02:05: Today will be a quiet day for bad jokes. Last year on this day was my mom's memorial service.
  
• 23:50:10: Just took my 174th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 10-31-2009

• 04:20:08: Just took my 173rd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:01:15: I don't care how good you think you are, never try to catch an iron if you drop it.
  
• 09:01:08: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! This is my favorite holiday!! What are everyone's plans tonight??
  
• 15:01:11: Why is it when a woman sleeps w/lots of men she's called a slut? A man goes out and does the same, he's called "gay"!
  
• 18:01:49: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 18:42:04: Hey local peeps: Is there a mailbox or an open post office near me that will STILL postmark TODAY?!?!
  
• 20:26:21: I'm on my way to a Halloween party in a black cloak carrying a bottle of roofies. I'll be the Grim Raper.
  
• 22:02:20: "Single and ready to mingle!" just has a better ring to it than "Loner with a Boner".
  

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From Twitter 10-30-2009

• 07:01:19: Ad: Tuesday 11/3 is #Election Day in #NYC. Vote for progress. Vote Bloomberg http://bit.ly/31ZdHs
  
• 07:02:01: Ad:Tuesday 11/3 is #Election Day in #NYC. Tweet Out The Vote! http://bit.ly/4zPfSq
  
• 08:01:08: Say there are 400 billion stars & he'll believe you. Say a bench has wet paint or the plate is hot & he has to touch it!
  
• 15:01:08: Finally convinced my girlfriend to have an abortion. All she needed was a nudge in the right direction. And some stairs.
  
• 22:01:16: Q: What's worse than finding a box of condoms in your wife's purse?
  A: Finding half a box!!
  
• 22:59:14: Current tallies 4 @PhoenixCub at Fear Farm: 1 girly-squealed "Oh hi" to a corn creature, 1 meat-shield sweater clutch. Entering Asylum now!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 172nd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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