Merry Christmas to all you delusional American christians with a persecution complex! Tomorrow, back to normal!

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia who stayed up all night wondering if there really is a dog?

Photons have mass?! I didn't even know they were catholic!

Q: How does Moses make tea? A: Hebrews it.

Q: What does Mortal Kombat and a church in Helsinki have in common? A: Finnish Hymn!

Q: What's the most expensive jewish wine? A: "I wanna go to Flahrida!"

Q: What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? A: "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear the one about the monk who refused Novocaine during a root canal? He was trying to transcend dental medication.

Q: What do you call a rabbi with heartburn? A: Acidic Jew

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an altar boy.

Two nuns are riding bicycles down the street. One says, "I've never came this way before." The other says, "Yeah, it's the cobblestones!"

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub? A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

Q: What do you call a car full of nuns? A: Virgin Mobile