formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi

From Twitter 12-30-2009

• 08:02:07: Is it possible to cry underwater?
  
• 12:54:57: RT @TheCosmicJester: Do As I Say, Not As I Do Dept: Proponent of "traditional marriage" Karl Rove just got a divorce.
  
• 12:55:52: RT @PhoenixCub: RT @IMAX It's #FreeTicketTuesday!! Follow us and RT this for your chance to win a pair of #IMAX movie tickets!!
  
• 12:55:57: RT @PhoenixCub: RT @cheesecake: Last Chance! RT & Follow @Cheesecake Factory 2day 4 chance 2 win 1 of 12 $25 Gift Cards & more! Rules ht ...
  
• 13:09:04: RT @ajpreyes: OMG, love it!!! http://bit.ly/8oIXBO u-tube, totally work safe #CoH #fb
  
• 13:22:07: RT @TheCosmicJester: @mfrutig @michaelparisi @phoenixcub The idea of ending a sentence with a preposition is one that up with which I wi ...
  
• 15:01:39: Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  
• 22:01:38: I like my tea the way I like my women. Shipped in from Asia.
  

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From Twitter 12-29-2009

• 01:04:12: Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi
  
• 01:23:33: Final total for the gambling trip: +$50.00!!! Woo hoo!!!!!
  
• 08:03:35: What disease did cured ham actually have?
  
• 15:01:37: How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
  
• 18:00:07: Help name my new kitten! Her eyes match Sarabi, not Nala!! http://twitpic.com/vsxqn http://twitpic.com/vsxqj http://twitpic.com/vsxqm
  
• 22:02:16: Has anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy??
  

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From Twitter 12-28-2009

• 08:09:24: How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures??
  
• 15:01:31: Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway!
  
• 18:49:33: At @Harrahs_AkChin Casino with @PhoenixCub. Wish us luck!!
  
• 22:01:14: Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
  

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From Twitter 12-26-2009

• 08:05:12: When I was a kid I used to have an imaginary friend, but now that I'm on Facebook, I have over 700!
  
• 15:01:48: You gotta hand it to the Microsoft marketing team. Getting others to take the blame for Windows 7 is a great idea!
  
• 18:01:53: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 22:01:09: The answer may not lie at the bottom of a bottle, but I always like to check.
  
• 22:43:14: Q:Livers or gizzards? A:Uuuummmmmm... Neither. http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/6932137 #formspringme
  
• 22:47:51: Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi
  
• 23:09:02: RT @loveandgluttony: "Playing naked Twister by yourself is no fun...nor was it worth getting oiled up for." (via @twistedpfister) // Unl ...
  
• 23:14:08: RT @SDHryRedHd: @MichaelParisi Merry Christmas, Michael!
  
• 23:19:28: RT @PhoenixCub: Here are some pictures of @michaelparisi's and my trip to Las Vegas last week. :-) http://tr.im/Irgf
  
• 23:25:08: RT @PhoenixCub: Playing my favorite slot machine. RT @MichaelParisi: It's a (Village People) PARTY with @PhoenixCub up in hyah!!! http:/ ...
  
• 23:28:21: No one sent me dirty pictures for Christmas. I'm very sad about that!! :-(
  

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From Twitter 12-25-2009

• 00:04:01: RT @univheights75: Have you ever pictured santa naked? Now try getting it out of your head!
  http://twitpic.com/v23wj (via @DannyNCincy)
  
• 06:04:08: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! :-D
  
• 08:02:29: Twit·ter - ˈtwɪt-ər - noun - The bit of skin between the twat and the shitter.
  
• 12:05:12: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:35: I may not be a member of the Mile High Club, but at least I'll always have my membership of the Six Feet Under Club.
  
• 16:35:03: It has been one looong shitty fucked-up day!! Dinner at Karen's should make it all better...
  
• 22:01:25: My girlfriend just told me we are going to have anal sex again tonight. I hate prison.
  

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From Twitter 12-24-2009

• 01:28:47: Random lukewarm Chinese buffet... NEVER again!!
  
• 08:07:05: I won The Godfather box set on eBay last night. Some might say that I gave him an offer that he couldn't refuse.
  
• 15:01:16: My uncle is a professional counterfeiter. Really!! He has the certificates to prove it!
  
• 22:01:13: Is it only me who finds it suspicious that Santa knows the alarm code?
  
• 22:32:00: RT @MixMutt: Bitch, I didn't slap you. I was high-fiving your face.
  
• 22:35:45: Q:What are you most excited about rig... A:Right now, I'm excited to work tomo... http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/5786774 #formspringme
  
• 22:37:02: Q:If you could have an endless supply... A:Pizza for sure!! From Round Table ... http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/5786773 #formspringme
  
• 22:38:42: Q:If you had access to a time machine... A:To my mom's 62nd birthday dinner: A... http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/5786775 #formspringme
  
• 22:39:47: Q:do you like perez hilton? A:Well, I don't *dislike* Perez Hilton......... http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/5788202 #formspringme
  
• 22:40:06: Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi
  
• 23:59:01: I do this every year: http://twitpic.com/uzu5j /via @cwboldt | HAHAHA!!!
  
• 23:59:18: RT @cwboldt: Two nuns are riding their bikes around Rome. One nun says "I've never come this way before." The other turns & says, "Its t ...
  

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From Twitter 12-23-2009

• 00:45:16: RT @Tr_av_is: "Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bedrock"
  
• 00:57:30: Ask me anything!! http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi
  
• 08:01:46: Ad: Send a free personalized holiday card today! I sent a "Rockin' Santa" to my friend back home. http://bit.ly/4C6BBf
  
• 08:02:21: If I had a dollar for everytime someone told me I have ADHD then I would have oh look a bird!!
  
• 15:01:35: I'm not condescending! I'm just too busy thinking about far more important things that you wouldn't understand...
  
• 15:44:52: Just saw Avatar in IMAX 3D. Three words: Double-U, Oh, Double-U!!!!!!
  
• 18:01:29: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.
  
• 22:01:08: I just saw two men rubbing garbanzo beans on each other. They must have been hummusexuals!
  

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From Twitter 12-22-2009

• 00:28:15: There is now a quiet mutual interest forming between @BayleeDutchess and the little one!! <crossing fingers>
  
• 00:42:19: Oh goody!! And now they're not afraid to fight!! :-/
  
• 01:38:47: RT @SashaCTLC: lmao RT @mycherrymoon: #youknowyourfat when your ass is too damn lazy to spell YOU'RE correctly
  
• 08:02:22: Don't you just hate pointless rhetorical questions?
  
• 10:22:58: Ad: Do you know how to make perfect gourmet gravy? Check out this video from Club House Gravy under Tip 1. http://bit.ly/8abOIC
  
• 14:11:52: Ad: Make backups of your Blu-Ray movies to standard DVD-RW with amazing HD quality with 123 Media Max. Copies DVDs too! http://bit.ly/8qYVtr
  
• 15:02:04: Britney Spears needs collagen injections around her mouth. Lately I’ve noticed her lips sinking.
  
• 19:09:33: Eeeew... They're mating!! At WORK!!! :-( http://twitpic.com/uqd5f
  
• 19:13:07: Just a taste of why they had named her MeowMeow Kitty!! This goes on 24/7!!!!! http://twitvid.com/2243C
  
• 19:14:48: I know exactly what u mean!! RT @Shoshannah7 I'm officially an addict. I'm out of coffee and now I have an headache.
  
• 19:25:16: Me with the little one!! http://twitpic.com/uqfnh
  
• 19:53:41: Schweet!! I just got an invite to be a Neilson Ratings Family. Cool!!!
  
• 20:10:33: Oops, I meant Nielsen, not Neilson... :-/
  
• 22:01:25: Q: What did the redneck say when his girlfriend broke up with him?
  A: "Can we still be cousins?"
  

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From Twitter 12-21-2009

• 22:01:15: Two condoms are walking past a gay bar. One turns to the other and says, "Come on, let's get shit faced!"
  
• 23:25:13: Missing post from 3pm: "Every time I accidentally say the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate."
  
• 23:25:35: Missing post from 8am: "If you can't convince them, confuse them."
  
• 23:28:17: Previously named MeowMeowKitty but will change! Any ideas? http://twitpic.com/um3j5 http://twitpic.com/um3jb http://twitpic.com/um3jc
  

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From Twitter 12-20-2009

• 08:02:01: I left Las Vegas with a small fortune. Unfortunately, I arrived there with a large fortune!
  
• 15:01:22: Today at work there was a meeting about staff apathy and poor attendance. I didn't feel like going...
  
• 22:01:28: Facebook Mobile: For when there's no other reading material when you're having a poo.
  

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From Twitter 12-19-2009

• 08:05:04: Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that!!
  
• 15:01:22: People don't believe me, but I have Tourettes. I swear.
  
• 17:05:49: My foot's not as bad as the bloody sock made it look!! Amputation avoided!! :-)
  
• 22:01:41: Taking a leak on a moving train is the ultimate test of balance, accuracy, and outright courage!
  

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From Twitter 12-18-2009

• 08:01:22: If Pinocchio said his nose was about to grow, what would happen?
  
• 12:05:10: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 14:27:14: Ad: Get the best deals! Innovative,inexpensive,risk free. Profit goes 2 charity! Use code BTP1202A 4 extra bids. PLZ RT http://bit.ly/7Q3GfM
  
• 15:01:09: RT @STEVIEWONDER dhmggnnfbh zrseb,9ipopwer,9cpcu wm8-388-m8- r8- 97nfauisddjfcmn vn s jk acfmiiomex.as,, l jk ihro3ir
  
• 22:01:14: I asked my boyfriend for anal sex last night. He took it the wrong way...
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 215th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-17-2009

• 01:26:52: What's up with the little circle where my 3G or Edge indicator should be?! :-/ http://twitpic.com/tuszb
  
• 01:41:25: Hahaha True dat!!! http://twitpic.com/tuuhr
  
• 01:41:26: Hmph!! I disagree!! LOL http://twitpic.com/tuuhy
  
• 01:47:47: Really?! For WHAT?!?! http://twitpic.com/tuugt
  
• 01:47:48: Uuuuuhhhhhhhh... What?!?! http://twitpic.com/tuuhi
  
• 08:06:03: We have a new girl at work named Sue Render. She's French.
  
• 15:01:37: Politicians can be dangerous to your wealth.
  
• 22:01:05: I'm all for equality!! That's why we should let women work longer hours so they can make as much as men!
  

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From Twitter 12-16-2009

• 21:07:17: With all wins and losses considered, this trip only cost me $75.00 plus food!! :-)
  
• 22:01:11: Q: Why is 70 the hardest number to say?
  A: Because after 69, your mouth is full!
  
• 22:20:10: Driving thru the desert with @PhoenixCub, ice warnings, and singing along full-volume to ABBA!! Life is good...
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 213th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-15-2009

• 00:29:40: In Vegas with @PhoenixCub for my birthday!! :-) http://twitpic.com/tldkv http://twitpic.com/tldl3 http://twitpic.com/tldl4
  
• 00:40:02: At Fitzgerald's (where I turned 21 & gambled/drank legally for the 1st time) waiting for midnight when I'll turn 31! Mom was with me then...
  
• 00:47:48: Waiting for midnight at mom's favorite game hopefully her spirit will give me luck!! http://twitpic.com/tlf50
  
• 08:02:04: I have a fear of two-letter words. I get scared just thinking about it.
  
• 15:02:04: I keep a fake journal claiming I've done monumental stuff so if I ever have amnesia, I'm gonna think I'm AWESOME!
  
• 18:49:30: I'm at @RioVegas with @PhoenixCub for the Carnival World Buffet!! Yaaay!! :-) http://twitpic.com/tov68
  
• 22:01:05: I'm glad my Facebook isn't a real book. Many of the pages would be stuck together by now...
  
• 23:50:10: Just took my 212th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-14-2009

• 08:01:21: Unemployment - it's just not working!
  
• 15:02:02: I prefer to think Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely?" was written out of a genuine question he had.
  
• 16:09:59: Yaaaay!! Karen got me Sprinkles birthday cupcakes!! :-D http://twitpic.com/tjkj9 http://twitpic.com/tjkhx
  
• 18:33:53: Waiting at Wal-Mart for @PhoenixCub to get back from the gas station. If this Salvation Army guy doesn't STFU, I'm gonna rip his bells off!!
  
• 22:01:26: Ladies: Eve was the ONLY woman who can get away with saying "I haven't got a thing to wear"!!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 211th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-13-2009

• 03:27:37: RT @StarbucksTink: "Good heavens, it appears my wewe has been stricken with rigormortis" rofl i love stewie!!!
  
• 08:01:18: Jockeys who drug their animals should get off their high horses!!
  
• 15:01:29: "Twilight" - The story of a young woman's choice to practice either bestiality or necrophilia.
  
• 20:07:18: RT @thisisunique: Someone needs to spoof the Gap kids commercial with grown men doing the same "cheer" about winter clothes. "how cute r ...
  
• 20:24:39: I fucking hate migraines!! Wasted the whole damn day recovering!! But at least only 24 more hours until Vegas!!!
  
• 22:01:16: Q: What do wives and clouds have in common?
  A: It's usually a good day when they're not around!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 210th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-12-2009

• 08:01:50: Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  
• 15:01:11: I'm certainly no coward! If I've got something to say, I'll say it to your Facebook!!
  
• 18:02:12: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 18:09:16: I personally sold 21 pounds of Christmas Blend today! :-D Oh, & our ENTIRE region is out of Caramel Brûlée sauce! :-(
  
• 18:33:52: Wow, @BayleeDutchess just turned down the whipped cream I just offered her. She has never liked people food!
  
• 22:01:15: "A.D.O.S." - Attention Deficit...Oooh Shiny!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 209th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-11-2009

• 00:37:38: ME TOO!!!! RT @J1970K: Rachel Maddow just "dude'd" a guest on her show. I officially love her.
  
• 08:01:31: The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions.
  
• 11:05:24: My shorts ripped open at work and it's too busy to leave. <in monotone> yay...
  
• 15:06:52: Keep the dream alive. Hit the snooze button.
  
• 17:15:33: It's been a really hard day. I've been thinking about my Mom @PatParisi. A lot of regrets. Thank God I have @BayleeDutchess...
  
• 19:47:10: Curling up with sitcoms and a press of (STARBUCKS)RED coffee hoping to stay relaxed. Maybe I'll take a bath...
  
• 21:37:36: Tough day... G'nite!
  
• 22:02:26: Better late than pregnant.
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 208th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-10-2009

• 00:28:02: Sadly, I had to vanilla my iPhone to get Push working again. I hope it's only temporary so I can get the good apps back soon!!
  
• 08:03:06: Aibohphobia is the fear of palindromes. Get it??
  
• 09:57:44: C'mon, green lights!!!
  
• 11:41:31: Ad: Claim your spot on the internet's 5-mile-high Christmas Tree! Let's light it together! http://bit.ly/4tbKyL
  
• 15:01:54: Why do zombies always have to be the bad guys? That's just profiling!
  
• 22:01:13: A man approached me in a bar tonight and said "I'm so drunk, I'm pissing out tequila'... I can't believe I fell for it!
  
• 23:18:42: I offered a policeman a donut to go with his coffee today..... Wasn't quite as funny to him as I had hoped!! :-/
  
• 23:22:22: My peeve is "gay" used as slang for "bad". Today a guy said "straight" as slang for "cool". I'm not sure how I feel about it. Your thoughts?
  
• 23:28:50: Great commercial about gay/lesbian sensitivity. Theres a whole series of these! RT @Joselito4390 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C277qAKpUaQ
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 207th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-09-2009

• 01:36:23: I got a text but no push... :-(
  
• 08:10:33: MTV Cribs makes me not feel bad for downloading music illegally!!
  
• 14:19:57: RT @HootSuite: Everybody dance now! 19 hours until the HootSuite iPhone app is live. RT to win a free copy. http://hootsuite.com/iphone
  
• 14:20:06: RT @HootSuite: Hootie Hoo! RT this for a chance to win a free HootSuite iPhone app. Only 18 hrs until it's live! http://hootsuite.com/iphone
  
• 14:20:12: RT @HootSuite: There's an owl for that! HootSuite iPhone app live in 17 hrs. RT for chance to win. http://hootsuite.com/iphone
  
• 15:01:21: When life gets tough, just remember: You were the strongest sperm!!
  
• 18:01:04: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.
  
• 22:01:12: I fed the neighbor kids some radioactive laxatives the other day... You should have seen their little feces light up!!
  
• 23:50:13: Just took my 206th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-08-2009

• 08:01:06: Why do celebrities work so hard to become well-known, then try so hard to avoid being recognized?!
  
• 15:01:32: If you think your boss is stupid, just remember that you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter!
  
• 19:15:32: Dumb bitch today takes OFF the fucking lid to hot coffee to complain that it's too full. She then thrusts it back at me and burns me too!
  
• 19:33:49: http://mikeyp.us/sqvbr - Who knew Kermit was such a slut?!?!
  
• 22:01:25: Going to McDonald's for a salad is like buying a three inch dildo. Why bother?!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 205th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-07-2009

• 08:03:16: An old woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital. So I pushed her under a bus.
  
• 15:03:12: Isn't it sad that we live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.
  
• 19:55:26: RT @WTFtweets: RT @mstweet08 #uknowuneedlotion if u try to rub ur spit on the ashy parts of ur hand..lmao
  
• 20:03:34: ROFLMFAO!!!!! RT @MixMutt: Our Xmas tree only drinks Perrier, bitches.
  
• 20:57:21: RT @Stevenfrombb10: RT @NOH8Campaign: http://twitpic.com/smcy5 - The citycouncil members of west Hollywood CA just declared Dec 13th the ...
  
• 21:03:01: RT @BronxBebe: NJJJJJ JUST VOTED 7-6 ON GAY MARRIAGE EQUALITY!NOW TO THE SENATE ON THURSDAY!CMON LETS GET THIS DONE!
  
• 21:12:01: Going to bed waaaaaay early for some much-needed shuteye!!
  
• 22:01:36: I've had sex with more than 20 straight guys. Buying that pistol was the best thing I ever did!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 204th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-06-2009

• 05:46:50: RT @Glinner: If Twitter is going to be accepted into the mainstream, it needs to have a less silly name, like Google. /via @serafinowicz
  
• 05:55:18: RT @soulboykirk: RT @CosensMLMtools: After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said ...
  
• 06:00:15: RT @phaoloo: 15 Stupidest Warning Labels http://bit.ly/102zeR
  
• 06:13:21: Are u freakin' KIDDING me?! -----Via @LvrOfDisney: British Reality TV stars on animal cruelty charge for eating rat: http://bit.ly/75wzbq
  
• 08:01:30: Whatisthelongbuttonatthebottomofthekeyboardfor?
  
• 15:01:13: I married a black guy once. The contrast on each side of the church was amazing - his side all black, my side all empty.
  
• 22:01:05: I found some sperm on my shoulder today. I don't know what came over me!
  
• 23:22:19: RT @argentchampion: RT @PhoenixHell: Why is a Christmas tree better than a man? It stays up for 12 days & nights, has cute balls,& looks ...
  
• 23:33:01: RT @SaveEastwick: #SaveEastwick RT
  
• 23:33:20: RT @SaveEastwick: Don't Stop The Magic #SaveEastwick RT
  
• 23:33:43: RT @SaveEastwick: #ShameOnYouABC for the Adam Lambert thing and for cancelling Eastwick. #Saveeastwick
  
• 23:34:36: RT @argentchampion: @SaveEastwick I could listen to Darrell read the phonebook.
  #saveeastwick
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 203rd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 23:50:27: RT @JLust1022: Who wants a No H8 photo. Next shoot is Sunday, December 13th from 6-8PM at Marbella Nightclub in Hollywood. #noh8 @noh8 ...
  

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From Twitter 12-05-2009

• 01:49:44: RT @cinemascribe: Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one. #TigerJokes
  
• 02:58:01: Just over 30 days, and I'm done with BOTH my passports!! :-) http://twitpic.com/s834p
  
• 08:04:04: I'm not bald! I'm just taller than my hair!
  
• 14:31:30: RT @CitizenKurt: Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
  
• 15:01:14: If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?
  
• 22:01:19: If women are so good at multitasking, why can’t they have a headache AND sex?
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 202nd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-04-2009

• 08:02:24: If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  
• 11:03:52: I never thought it would be, but a Green Tea Créme Frappuccino with Juicy Raspberry Syrup at @Starbucks is really good!!
  
• 13:06:48: A sad Elizabeth after an unfortunate whipped cream situation... <secretly chuckling> http://twitpic.com/s4vy3
  
• 13:10:58: I'm "special" in an "alternate hand-off" kind of way!! http://twitpic.com/s4wkr
  
• 13:13:22: And with this French Roast coffee press, I'm done with my Coffee Passport!! This was Monday -- boo yah!!! http://twitpic.com/s4wzg
  
• 15:01:21: Facebook: Making it look like fat girls have friends since 2004.
  
• 22:01:22: I remember the first time I had sex...I kept the receipt!!
  
• 22:49:52: Ryan was great!! The show was great!! Now I wanna ride Sweeney's chair!!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 201st mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-03-2009

• 03:56:19: FUCK YOU, ABC!!! When are you gonna stop?? I'm sick of it!!! #Eastwick
  
• 08:03:04: Has anyone else noticed how long it takes to spell "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" using Alpha-Bits cereal??
  
• 15:02:32: Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
  
• 18:40:39: RT @MrPookieBlack: If I choose to procrastinate later, isn't that procrastination?
  
• 22:01:29: They say men use love to get sex & woman use sex to get love. I use roofies to get sex & Stockholm Syndrome to get love!
  
• 23:50:10: Just took my 200th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-02-2009

• 00:03:27: Hey @Survivor_Tweet, when are you gonna cast me for the show??
  
• 08:01:05: Q: What do you say to a one legged hitch-hiker?
  A: Hop in!
  
• 15:01:18: Is it just me or do Asian folks look like they're sleepwalking?
  
• 18:02:20: RT TheCosmicJester ...Jesus' 1st car? I couldn't tell u, but the apostles carpooled: They "...all continued with one Accord" -KJV, Acts 1:1
  
• 18:04:15: Gorgeous, bright red harvest moon -- full, no less -- low over downtown right now!!
  
• 22:01:45: I recently got a job at a prison brothel. It has pros and cons.
  
• 23:50:15: Just took my 199th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 12-01-2009

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From Twitter 11-30-2009

• 08:05:04: If you really loved me you wouldn't accuse me of emotional blackmail...
  
• 10:46:41: Would have been nice if @PeiWei had TOLD me they weren't open when I called in my lunch order. Wasted half my damn lunch getting there!!
  
• 15:01:03: They say that statistically 1 in 3 men are gay. I always thought 3 in 1 man was gay!!
  
• 22:01:12: Q: What do you call a fat girl that has been raped?
  A: A liar!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 197th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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