I applaud The Abbey in West Hollywood for taking a stand! http://goo.gl/G6ItZ

What an amazing boy! http://us.cnn.com/video/?/video/us/2009/11/16/am.boy.no.pledge.cnn

"If you don't know where you are going...any road will get you there." -Cheshire Cat, 'Alice in Wonderland'

Blah!!! Just blah!!!

Why are some people so bad at their jobs?!?! :-(

I'd like to tell North Carolina to go fuck itself, but I'm sure that's illegal there.

The joke schedule will start up again soon. I upgraded my phone's OS and the timed drafts didn't restore properly. :-/

Good thing the N word rhymes with the N word or Lil Wayne would be out of a job!

Sign up for Hulu Plus at http://www.hulu.com/r/cjvoSg or http://mikeyp.us/Hulu & we BOTH get 2 weeks free! PLS RT

FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal. Except Winter and Summer. And Autumn.

Dial-in HUNGER GAMES: 631-403-2027 A different result (if you live or die - and HOW!) with each call! (Humor Hotlines)

Humor Hotline with a serious message: 631-403-9009

I Googled Gary Oldman & got some disturbing images! I thought he really let himself go until I realized I left out the R!

Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.

My bf complained that I never lift a finger around the house. So I did. The middle one.

The Amazing Race FINALLY had a suspenseful final leg with a lot to do instead of just one thing before the finish line!

The Amazing Race FINALLY had a suspenseful final leg with a lot to do instead of just one thing before the finish line!

I feel sorry for all those young boys in heaven. Just think of all the Catholic priests up there!!

If God had intended us to go metric, why did he give Jesus twelve disciples?

I asked my Mexican friend why they celebrated Cinco de Mayo. He said it's because they beat the French. Who hasn't?!

Hulu Plus is freakin' amazing! Sign up at http://www.hulu.com/r/cjvoSg or http://mikeyp.us/Hulu & get 2 weeks free! PLS RT

So much mayonnaise sank with the Titanic that Mexico mourns the loss every year. That's the REAL story of Sinko de Mayo!

¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

Nerd Pickup Line: "You might think of me as a padawan now, but once I use my force you'll be calling me master."

Very funny sex education hotline: 954-482-4201 (Humor Hotlines)

$100.00 off new DIRECTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).

My bf left me bcuz I'm obsessed with The Killers. He didn't even have the decency to tell me himself! Somebody Told Me.

Q: What do you call a Spanish goat with no back legs? A: Gracias.

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I just read a book on Stephen Hawking. He kept telling me to get off his lap!

I surprised my boyfriend during sex last night with a little move I like to call "coming home early".

Get PAID to check in w/ @wereward?! Pls sign up w/ my referral link: http://we.rw/pUUp (sign up FIRST, then download app and sign in)

I just gave my crazy reptile some Xanax. Now he's a Calmer Calmer Calmer Calmer Calmer Chameleon!

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