From Twitter 01-30-2010

• 00:18:18: On my way to Tucson (@ Eloy, AZ) http://4sq.com/aIckFf
  
• 00:46:30: I'm streaming video LIVE from my iPhone RIGHT NOW!! See what it's all about at http://mikeyp.us/Qik http://qik.ly/3N8q
  
• 01:14:45: I'm at Holiday Inn Tucson Airport-North w/ @phoenixcub. http://4sq.com/alL3KG
  
• 01:25:13: Pretty nice room at the Holiday Inn Tucson Airport North!! http://twitpic.com/10gmvs
  
• 01:27:24: And now...off to the casino!! Hehehe It's a sickness, really!!!! :-/
  
• 02:03:50: I'm at Casino Del Sol (5655 West Valencia Road, Tucson). http://4sq.com/4ReQji
  
• 05:53:21: I'm at Leaving the shitty casino
  
• 05:53:38: I'm at Leaving the shitty casino (, ). http://4sq.com/bRhA8f
  
• 06:00:41: Have never had such disrespectful treatment at a casino than I just did at Casino Del Sol in Tucson. Do not give this casino your patronage!
  
• 06:12:55: I just became the mayor of Holiday Inn Tucson Airport-North on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/alL3KG
  
• 06:12:55: Time to sleep!! Zzzzzzz (@ Holiday Inn Tucson Airport-North) http://4sq.com/alL3KG
  
• 08:02:21: I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned most people die of natural causes.
  
• 11:53:58: Just waking up! Thank goodness for late checkout!! :-) (@ Holiday Inn Tucson Airport-North) http://4sq.com/alL3KG
  
• 12:32:22: Uh oh... Trouble's brewing -- and trouble is, of course, yesterday's QT taquitos!! :-/
  
• 13:41:19: Tucson is Trenta-less! Poor Tucson... :-/
  
  #Starbucks
  
• 14:38:02: I'm at Benson, AZ (, ). http://4sq.com/bIeK1B
  
• 14:50:27: OMFG!! So funny!! "I'd like to find my knight in shining armour, but all I've found so far are retards in tin foil." - by @NDfaninAZ
  
• 15:01:21: …and Jesus turned the water into wine. “No! White, Jesus, white!” the crowd shouted, “You just made us all this fish!!"
  
• 15:41:49: I'm at Tombstone (Arizona Highway 80, Tombstone). http://4sq.com/bqRDTV
  
• 15:44:09: I find it very funny that Tombstone is an AT&T dead zone!! LOL
  
• 16:09:33: I just unlocked the "Adventurer" badge on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/9Khn1r
  
• 16:09:34: I'm at Bisbee (1 Main Street, Bisbee). http://4sq.com/cBP0H3
  
• 16:10:01: I'm at Copper Queen Hotel (11 Howell Avenue, Bisbee). http://4sq.com/a6BSbK
  
• 16:10:50: I'm at Old Bisbee Roasters (, ). http://4sq.com/b8fKca
  
• 16:19:44: I'm at Bisbee Mining and Historical Museum (5 Copper Queen Plaza, Bisbee). http://4sq.com/bqpfKK
  
• 16:23:26: I'm at The Lavender Pit (, ). http://4sq.com/d19qxQ
  
• 16:29:38: Tombstone Courthouse and Ghost Exhibit http://twitpic.com/10kzc8 http://twitpic.com/10kze8
  
• 16:29:49: My first time in Tombstone!! :-) http://twitpic.com/10kzev http://twitpic.com/10kzet http://twitpic.com/10kqur
  
• 16:29:54: Historic Downtown Tombstone http://twitpic.com/10kzgd http://twitpic.com/10kzg9 http://twitpic.com/10kzg0
  
• 16:37:30: The Tombstone B of A!! LOL http://twitpic.com/10l0ze
  
• 16:37:37: The Lavender Pit copper mine near Bisbee, AZ. http://twitpic.com/10l124 http://twitpic.com/10l12a http://twitpic.com/10l120
  
• 16:40:02: Copper Queen Hotel & more Bisbee http://twitpic.com/10l1kq http://twitpic.com/10l1gd http://twitpic.com/10l1iw http://twitpic.com/10l1k2
  
• 16:42:08: Bisbee's Jailhouse Inn. Totally cute!! http://twitpic.com/10l20m http://twitpic.com/10l20g
  
• 16:46:43: I'm at Douglas, AZ (, ). http://4sq.com/ciHcNO
  
• 16:52:38: OMG Sooooo many border patrol checkpoints down here! If only CA cared so much!!!
  
• 17:10:02: ¡Voy a comprar medicina Mexicano! :-) (@ Agua Prieta, Mexico) http://4sq.com/9YcZC7
  
• 18:02:10: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 18:31:14: I just unlocked the "Super User" badge on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/9qWSE2
  
• 18:31:15: I just unlocked the "Overshare" badge on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/97jg0k
  
• 18:31:15: Back home in the USA!! (@ Douglas, AZ) http://4sq.com/cxIl07
  
• 18:40:35: ¡Bienvenido a AguaPrieta,México! Estoy aquí con @PhoenixCub http://twitpic.com/10lq2q http://twitpic.com/10lqat http://twitpic.com/10lqc0
  
• 18:41:19: Promises, promises...... ROFL http://twitpic.com/10lqfs
  
• 18:41:51: The beautiful Mexican sunset!! http://twitpic.com/10lqp8 http://twitpic.com/10lqp7
  
• 18:42:04: Sorry guys...even @foursquare thinks I'm sharing too much!! LOL http://twitpic.com/10lqqh
  
• 18:45:33: I'm at BFE (, ). http://4sq.com/alBbbk
  
• 19:00:01: Just passing thru this time... (@ Bisbee) http://4sq.com/cBP0H3
  
• 19:44:57: I just unlocked the "Crunked" badge on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/921S4K
  
• 19:44:58: I'm at Tombstone (Arizona Highway 80, Tombstone). http://4sq.com/bqRDTV
  
• 19:45:44: I'm at O.K. Corral (326 East Allen Street, Tombstone). http://4sq.com/9AlGa5
  
• 19:48:24: Enjoying really good bleu cheese dressing!! (@ Six Gun City w/ @phoenixcub) http://4sq.com/aL5FDq
  
• 21:58:55: I'm at Starbucks Coffee w/ @phoenixcub. http://4sq.com/8btjMg
  
• 22:02:07: I was asked recently if I liked porn. Do I like porn?! Pffft!! Does a bear shit in a Japanese schoolgirl’s mouth?!?!
  

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From Twitter 01-29-2010

• 08:01:12: Did anyone else forget that it was National Alzheimers Day yesterday?
  
• 10:33:25: He looks like some weird Smurf-monk. @PhoenixCub in his Snuggie from @Harrahs_AkChin!! http://twitpic.com/10c65b
  
• 15:00:07: At work (@ Starbucks)
  
• 15:02:07: I set fire to an orphanage today and aww…you should have seen their little faces light up!
  
• 18:08:35: Full harvest moon as seen from work just now... http://twitpic.com/10eel2
  
• 22:01:16: And the winner of the VMA Best Video 2010 goes to...the KKK! Go ahead now, Kanye!
  

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From Twitter 01-28-2010

• 00:56:17: In bed (@ Home)
  
• 08:01:45: My friend was very nice to offer to fix my torn jeans, or at least sew its seams.
  
• 15:01:57: I beat my wife and kids last night… I’m unstoppable on Mario Kart!!
  
• 17:44:17: RT @citizenkurt: RT @stefano_sf: Why dont most vegetarians moan during sex? They refuse to admit a piece of meat made them happy.
  
• 21:36:52: With @PhoenixCub ready to win some money! (@ Harrah's Ak-Chin Casino) http://4sq.com/6CA8I4
  
• 22:01:22: Two wrongs make a right: Rape a pedophile!
  
• 22:39:15: Yaaay!! @PhoenixCub and I won Snuggies from @Harrahs_AkChin!! And oddly, we're kinda excited!! LOL http://twitpic.com/109pis
  

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From Twitter 01-27-2010

• 08:01:49: I could never be straight! I can’t bear the thought of girls turning me down too!!
  
• 10:25:00: Just waking up for work (@ Home)
  
• 11:23:44: At Work for a reeeeeaaaaally long day (@ Starbucks)
  
• 13:37:30: At work (@ Starbucks)
  
• 13:47:03: Ad: Check out VitaDigest. Exclusive 10% off coupon with code izb10jan through the end of February! http://bit.ly/bROHmS
  
• 15:03:18: So Lady Gaga wants a ride on a disco stick. Can't she just use her own?!
  
• 22:01:16: I asked my boyfriend if I could play out a rape fantasy with him. He said no. What the hell does that mean?!
  

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From Twitter 01-26-2010

• 08:02:26: I met a Salvation Army worker named Mohammed. How odd that he's working for a non-prophet organization.
  
• 10:00:55: At work (@ Starbucks)
  
• 11:54:46: On lunch break (@ Starbucks)
  
• 15:02:22: Gays just aren't thinking straight.
  
• 16:23:42: What do YOU see?? http://twitpic.com/zvvjx
  
• 16:25:58: FELICE GIORNO DELLA TRENTA!!!
  
• 16:28:36: Today sucked... A cry for help: http://twitpic.com/zwz2v
  
• 19:25:39: I'm so out of the loop...
  
• 20:10:38: Getting Ron's Iced Venti Nonfat Chai and a Trenta 6 pump Vanilla Iced Coffee (@ Starbucks)
  
• 20:50:35: I'm at Chino Bandido (15414 N 19th Ave Ste K, Phoenix). http://4sq.com/O6in7
  
• 20:57:45: I'm at Chino Bandido w/ @phoenixcub. http://4sq.com/O6in7
  
• 22:01:09: Masturbation is a waste of fucking time!
  

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From Twitter 01-25-2010

• 00:28:13: Marg Helgenberger?? Is that you?!?! @LilyStarbuck @StarbucksTink http://twitpic.com/zo9il
  
• 00:29:41: These payouts plus a 5,000 credit bonus at 2¢ per credit! http://twitpic.com/zo9mr http://twitpic.com/zo9mn http://twitpic.com/zo9mm
  
• 00:30:42: Just left @Harrahs_AkChin. LOVE "Da Vinci Diamonds"! http://twitpic.com/zo913 http://twitvid.com/9ED9E http://twitpic.com/zo910
  
• 08:04:10: Q: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
  A: Medicine.
  
• 15:01:07: My internet went down today. My neighbor added a password.
  
• 19:02:12: Trenta: Come and get it!! #starbucks http://twitpic.com/zs9h7
  
• 20:34:25: My babies! :-D http://twitpic.com/zsomu http://twitpic.com/zsomq http://twitpic.com/zsos6
  
• 22:01:12: I've got a joke for you: A sheep fucker walks into a baa…
  
• 22:44:33: ROFL!!! RT @ajpreyes People who don't like Glee have no souls. ;p
  
• 22:54:10: Total Rewards – Walk Away a Winner Giveaway - http://shar.es/aSEfe /via @PhoenixCub
  
• 23:17:04: In bed. (@ Home)
  

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From Twitter 01-24-2010

• 01:14:46: Thanks to Leonardo's jewels, I only lost $100 instead of $200! My $10 in free slot play gave me $100!! :-D http://twitpic.com/zin42
  
• 01:18:06: Had fun at @FortMcDowell with @PhoenixCub and @StarbucksTink. Let the new obsession begin!! ROFL
  
• 01:19:15: RT @PhoenixCub: Here's @MichaelParisi playing a fancy slot machine. I feel like there should be a harpsichord playing. http://twitgoo.c ...
  
• 07:27:53: WTF?!?! I had to scrape ice off my windshield with my freakin' credit card!!!!!
  
• 08:01:28: I tink my postmn is a thif. My leters keep gong misin.
  
• 15:01:17: Internet Dating: The odds are good that the goods are odd.
  
• 17:56:50: From @StarbucksTink: A shadowbox tribute to mom using flowers & pamphlets from her memorial. Couldn't be better!! http://twitpic.com/zmp8m
  
• 18:31:01: Mommmmmmmm! @StarbucksTink is masitcating again!!!!!!!
  
• 22:01:06: I’ve been having a lot of no-strings-attached sex lately. I find duct tape to be quicker and easier.
  

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From Twitter 01-23-2010

• 07:29:03: Me and @StarbucksTink and @PhoenixCub agree that it's way too late for this!! http://twitpic.com/zd7hm
  
• 08:03:06: I was just thinking... Could I grow weed in Farmville and then sell it on MafiaWars?!
  
• 15:01:18: I'm not very good at sex, but I’ve tried my hand at it...
  
• 19:54:29: RT @kaileykristine: So glad that Betty White isn't trending because she's dead. I can't take another Golden Girl death for awhile. #ikno ...
  
• 21:34:52: At @FortMcDowell Casino with @StarbucksTink & @PhoenixCub. I hope I have better luck than I did last night at @Harrahs_AkChin!!!
  
• 22:01:10: A recent survey has shown that 43% of women have used vibrators... The other 57% bought them new.
  

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From Twitter 01-22-2010

• 08:04:00: Tree - /tri/ - noun - Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
  
• 15:01:44: Cuddling your wife after sex is like staying on the toilet after taking a dump. What's the point?!
  
• 22:01:23: I found a great pick-up line that gets you laid 9 times out of 10: “Bitch, I’ve got a gun! Get in the fucking car!!”
  
• 22:54:40: It's @StarbucksTink with @BayleeDutchess!! :-D http://twitpic.com/zbpj5 http://twitpic.com/zbpj6
  

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From Twitter 01-21-2010

• 08:08:51: Why the hell should I go to someone’s funeral if they aren’t going to attend mine?
  
• 15:01:45: Seriously though…who the hell would shit near a fan?
  
• 18:37:01: Enjoying a chocolate Italian cigar with @StarbucksTink...and actually enjoying it!! :-)
  
• 22:01:59: Does anyone actually PAY for internet porn?! That's like buying a bottle of fresh air!
  

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From Twitter 01-20-2010

• 08:09:45: If you’re so much better than the leading brand, why the hell are you not the leading brand?
  
• 15:02:28: Today, my boyfriend told me on the phone that we were breaking up. So I went outside and the signal improved.
  
• 18:02:26: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.
  
• 19:16:38: Q: What do you call the wife of a tabloid photographer?
  A: Mamarazzi!!
  (I made that up! You like??)
  
• 20:18:10: All this *AND* the food is good at @Oreganos!! http://twitpic.com/z0jcz http://twitpic.com/z0jcw http://twitpic.com/z0jcu
  
• 20:24:19: What's wrong with it?!?! http://tweetphoto.com/9161592
  
• 22:01:10: So, Google turns 12 this year. Knowing it’s not 18 yet makes using it to find porn twice as sexy!
  

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From Twitter 01-19-2010

• 08:01:22: My friend gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday last month. I couldn't find the words to thank him.
  
• 11:33:02: Finally getting to work a shift with @StarbucksTink!! It's aight...
  
• 15:02:07: Has anyone ever seen a baby pigeon?!
  
• 19:49:41: Me and @StarbucksTink are at @PeiWei. Then off to BevMo for some booze, then we're gonna play with my Wii. Then we'll play video games! ;-)
  
• 22:01:13: The girlfriend asked me what contraception we should use. Apparently, “anal” was not the answer she was looking for!
  

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From Twitter 01-18-2010

• 00:25:42: Yaaay!! The little one (@MeowX2Kitty/@NalaDiane) is finally becoming more assertive with @BayleeDutchess!! http://twitpic.com/ymj6n
  
• 00:26:19: Sam Worthington is goooooorgeous!! http://twitpic.com/ymj9e
  
• 00:32:39: Dragon attack,bt shud I worry more abt @PhoenixCub lurking? http://twitpic.com/ymjwf http://twitpic.com/ymjwa http://twitpic.com/ymjwb
  
• 00:33:27: Yaaay!! @StarbucksTink is finally here for a whole week!!! :-) http://twitpic.com/ymjzf
  
• 00:34:50: The little one (@MeowX2Kitty/@NalaDiane) all curled up next to @StarbucksTink. http://twitpic.com/ymk3z
  
• 08:08:09: Why doesn’t the Afghani politician Abdullah Abdullah just call himself "Abdullah²"?
  
• 10:12:41: CA ARCserve offers powerful, easy-2-use data protection 4 all types businesses. Download free trial 4 ur biz today! http://bit.ly/91lwUr #AD
  
• 11:40:34: Behind every successful woman is a SUBSTANTIAL amount of coffee!! (@StarbucksTink) http://twitpic.com/yohd0
  
• 15:01:08: When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them I test rape alarms. It sounds so much better than the truth...
  
• 22:01:09: If you sue someone for raping you, and you win, does that make you a prostitute?
  
• 23:48:05: http://twitpic.com/yrm1h - Really now?! #hashhouseagogo
  
• 23:48:43: I feel really bad that @StarbucksTink is sleeping on the couch because I snore too loud... :-(
  
• 23:53:57: RT @StarbucksTink: Me and @MichaelParisi :) http://tweetphoto.com/8992681
  

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From Twitter 01-17-2010

• 01:43:37: Okay, 'Cougar Town' is officially my favorite scripted show on TV. (But I'd Still love to see another season of 'Dirt'!!)
  
• 01:45:14: I'm soooooo excited!!! 'Scream 4' is in pre-production!! And it's rumored that Kaley Cuoco will be in it. Looooove her!!
  
• 02:01:14: People... People...... Stop using yfrog!!
  
• 08:03:33: A wife wakes from a dream yelling ”Hurry! My husband's home!” The husband wakes up & jumps out the window. Who's guilty?
  
• 14:13:31: I'm so excited that @StarbucksTink is coming for a whole week to visit!! Yaaay!!! I get to put her ass to WORK!! LOL
  
• 14:16:29: A rare friendly moment between @BayleeDutchess and @MeowX2Kitty/@NalaDiane. http://twitvid.com/15DE4 http://twitpic.com/yju3k
  
• 14:16:45: Macro http://twitpic.com/yju7d
  
• 14:20:28: New kitty needs a name! Any last ideas before I choose one? http://twitpic.com/yjuy9 http://twitpic.com/yjuy8 http://twitpic.com/yjuys
  
• 15:02:05: Child prostitution sickens me! Most of them don't even pay taxes!!
  
• 20:36:09: Thank God for SigAlert.com! Found out that 4 lanes of my 4-lane fwy was blocked. Great on-the-road mobile iPhone interface too!!
  
• 22:01:10: I found a great way to last longer in bed... Don't set your alarm!!
  

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From Twitter 01-16-2010

• 01:07:29: RT @DIRECTV: As first television provider to launch 3D at home – we'll soon deliver 3 dedicated 3D channels presented by Panasonic http: ...
  
• 08:01:25: Iran has finally successfully tested its short-range missiles. They can now throw sandals over 20 meters!
  
• 15:01:16: When I was younger I had an imaginary friend. Unfortunately for me, he already had a real one...
  
• 17:59:49: OMG! @BayleeDutchess is either a lesbian or a pedophile!! @MeowX2Kitty/@NalaDiane has a sugar mama!! Lol http://twitvid.com/C160B
  
• 18:01:14: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 22:01:13: I like my men like I like my coffee: Strong, aromatic, always takes my cream, and only $1.50!
  
• 22:52:43: I'm craving McDonald's... Do I have a fever?!?!
  

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From Twitter 01-15-2010

• 08:02:09: My mother-in-law converted me to religion. I never believed in Hell until I met her!
  
• 12:05:16: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:23: Nerds √16 ever!
  
• 20:18:43: RT @PhoenixCub: Star Trekkin' across the universe on the Starship Enterprise under Capt Kirk. Star Trekkin' ... boldly going fwrd cause ...
  
• 22:01:17: There’s chemistry between me & my ex. He’s currently in my garage dissolving in a drum filled with hydrochloric acid.
  

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From Twitter 01-14-2010

• 01:24:46: Oh yeah...and apparently *I* discovered the human genome!! Hehehe #bluemangroup #bmg
  
• 01:26:06: Hey villagers, I'll bring the pitchforks. Can anyone get a good deal on torches?!
  
• 01:31:54: (Back on Wi-Fi... Let's try this again!!) Full Video: The Mirage Volcano Eruption!! http://twitvid.com/D55C6
  
• 02:09:47: I hit my API limit using Tweetie!! It's a sickness, really... :-/
  
• 08:02:43: My friend told me I talk like a computer geek. I LOL'd.
  
• 10:24:17: Hitting EVERY red light on the way to work!! At least I'm early today!! :-)
  
• 10:26:07: My thoughts are with Matt today. I hope I can come thru with what was asked of me... :-/
  
• 13:34:23: Big things are coming......... http://twitpic.com/y33of
  
• 15:03:08: Why is it that when people ask, "Are you tickleish?", there's no answer that can stop you from being tickled?!
  
• 22:01:11: I can take the bra off a girl with one arm. Amputees hate me!
  

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From Twitter 01-13-2010

• 01:01:07: Such an awesome show!! We got to meet the Blue Men, and even got AUTOGRAPHS!!! :-D http://twitpic.com/xwa1m http://twitpic.com/xwa1x
  
• 01:32:26: Gorgeous architecture at The Venetian!! http://twitpic.com/xwcez
  
• 01:34:37: Another $20! Dang it! http://twitpic.com/xwcks
  
• 02:23:33: It's a Phantom of the Opera thing...you wouldn't understand! Hehehe http://twitpic.com/xwfxu
  
• 02:25:46: Eeeek!! Another $95 gone... I Let It Ride away at Harrah's Las Vegas! :-(
  
• 08:10:31: Q: How do you find a needle in a haystack?
  A: Burn the fucking hay.
  
• 15:01:15: Talk about inflation!! In the old days, ‘an apple a day kept the doctor away’. Now it’s 5 freakin' fruit and veggies!
  
• 18:46:33: .....but *I* do!! Hehe http://twitpic.com/xzr1k
  
• 18:48:40: Look, Minda! He's doin' The Mikey!!! http://twitpic.com/xzre3
  
• 18:49:23: I don't even wanna admit to today's losses...but I will! Lemme do the math and I'll get back to you...
  
• 18:58:57: This morning I lost $250 at @RioVegas with a $300 (+ $4.99 fee) trip to the ATM. Then $200 more from a free ATM got me ready for more...
  
• 19:03:50: Then just now at @ImperialPalace, I (slowly) turned $300 into $400. So today's loss counting this AM is $150. http://twitpic.com/xzt71
  
• 19:03:52: Then Village People Party at @ImperialPalace was kind and let me break totally even.
  
• 21:21:00: Are the problems with reply threads coming from Twitter, or is it just a Tweetie 2 thing?!
  
• 21:42:02: Great vacation!! Had fun! And only lost a total of $582 gambling over all 5 days. Truly thought it would be worse than that so I'm thankful!
  
• 22:01:08: Q: What’s the difference between a gay man and a microwave?
  A: A microwave won’t brown your sausage.
  

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From Twitter 01-12-2010

• 02:00:58: Two evil machines that took another $60.00 from me. Total loss for the day: $101.00. Now time for bed! :-( http://twitpic.com/xruix
  
• 02:04:20: Vulture-bitch took my slot when I got up (which is ok), won MY $$ back (also ok), but can't wish me luck BACK when I say it to her?! #karma
  
• 02:35:07: Full YouTube Video:  The Mirage Volcano Eruption!!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RflS0uAxRq4
  
• 02:46:35: RT @PhoenixCub: Damn guys on the strip, stop clicking your porn cards at me!
  
• 02:47:09: RT @PhoenixCub Damn guys on the strip, stop clicking your porn cards at me!
  
• 08:16:32: I have the smartest cat in the world! I asked her what (7 x 7) - 49 was, and she said nothing!
  
• 14:52:54: Yaay! Turned $100 into $311 on Let It Ride at @RioVegas thanks to Trip 2's in my 3-Card! (and FINALLY $5 tables!) http://twitpic.com/xu604
  
• 14:56:45: Hard 8. Come. Hard 6. Don't come. @PhoenixCub played a dirty game of Craps at @RioVegas. I lost my $11 but I refuse to break my black chips!
  
• 15:02:38: War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
  
• 18:31:34: Ate $20 reeeeeaaaally fast, but I had to try!! http://twitpic.com/xv2rs
  
• 18:32:26: Very disappointed with @RioVegas' LIR table right now!! Machine misdeal AFTER the dealer cleared us lost me a three of a kind!! :-(
  
• 19:42:15: Hello?? Nevada Gaming Commission?!
  
• 19:55:51: Bye bye, $201! If only @RioVegas had paid what they dealt, I wouldn't have lost so much... :-(
  
• 22:01:06: Death is hereditary.
  
• 22:25:58: OMG WOW!! Comp tickets to Blue Man Group!! Section 2, Row L, Seats 36 & 37!!! :-D WOWOWOW http://twitpic.com/xvwp6
  
• 22:45:57: OMFG!! Uh-maze-ing seats for Blue Man Group! Pics attached. http://twitpic.com/xvyqc http://twitpic.com/xvyq1 http://twitpic.com/xvyq0
  

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From Twitter 01-11-2010

• 00:20:43: Gave me back what Dean Martin stole plus $4 extra! http://twitpic.com/xmyma
  
• 00:24:34: My Super Jackpot Party Dance Bonus!!! Hehehe http://twitvid.com/C2805
  
• 00:26:06: Howie ate my extra four party dollars... :-( http://twitpic.com/xmz5b
  
• 00:41:01: Another $60 has boldly gone where thousands have gone before! Damn you, Tribbles!!! http://twitpic.com/xn0hg
  
• 01:24:19: Another $45 down the drain!! It's like the take advantage of drunk people or something!! LOL http://twitpic.com/xn3zs
  
• 01:41:29: Drunk. Can no longer feel my scalp or hands. Anyone wanna take advantage of me? http://twitpic.com/xn595 http://twitpic.com/xn599
  
• 01:41:36: PS Ignore tweets from now until the morning, if any. They probably won't make sense!! LOLOLOLOL
  
• 01:45:50: I can't feel my face. I love being drunk!
  
• 08:17:11: I've decided I don’t want kids. If anyone reading this does, I can drop them off by next week.
  
• 10:51:19: Ad: What ur cable company doesn't want u 2 know! Over 1000 channels on ur PC. No contract, no monthly fees, no hardware http://bit.ly/5BlF1A
  
• 15:01:40: I'm so lazy that if I fly lands on my computer screen, I try to shoo it away with the cursor!
  
• 18:55:52: Hey @RioVegas, any really good killer show deals for us for tonight?! <batting eyelashes>
  
• 18:58:00: My new class: "How To Lose Money Playing Let It Ride: 101". And that's exactly how much The Orleans took from me: $101!!
  
• 20:03:20: Still hoping to see @pennjillette & @mrteller at @riovegas tonight. I'll even make an ass of myself onstage as payment for the ticket!! LOL
  
• 20:54:00: Hash House A Go Go at @ImperialPalace is trying to kill me with food!! LOL http://twitpic.com/xr2e4 http://twitpic.com/xr2e2
  
• 21:07:58: Waiting for the Mirage volcano eruption!! http://twitpic.com/xr47l
  
• 22:02:07: I like to think of myself as a 'coin collector'. The police prefer the term 'mugger'.
  
• 23:31:59: Thank God 4 @ImperialPalace! I turned $200 into $280 w/ a 3-Card straight flush bringing my loss 2day 2 only $21! http://twitpic.com/xrjvn
  
• 23:33:05: Lost another $20 on Village People Party at @ImperialPalace. Today's losses total $41 (so far)... http://twitpic.com/xrjyp
  

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From Twitter 01-10-2010

• 00:43:41: Me and @phoenixcub missed the steak buffet at @harrahslaughlin. :-(
  
• 00:45:47: Wow!! That's the fastest I've EVER lost $250.00! I 'Let It Ride' right out the door at @HarrahsLaughlin... :-(
  
• 01:58:23: OMG!! @PhoenixCub is totally wasted right now!! Guess how many drinks he had...... Hehehe
  
• 02:22:04: RT @hackatac The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.....
  
• 08:01:32: If there’s one, two, three, four things I hate, it’s having OCD.
  
• 11:33:18: The river view from our @HarrahsLaughlin hotel room!! :-) http://twitpic.com/xjq0c
  
• 12:56:10: More river view and @HarrahsLaughlin's private beach. http://twitpic.com/xk3fi http://twitpic.com/xk3fj
  
• 12:56:29: Hehehe http://twitpic.com/xk3hb
  
• 15:01:17: Socks + Sandals = Pedophile
  
• 15:04:17: Wow! I guess @Starbucks really IS that popular to warrant its own dedicated casino parking!! LOL http://twitpic.com/xkpcm
  
• 15:07:37: Schweet! I turned $100 into $260 today at @HarrahsLaughlin! With the $250 I lost last night, I'm only down $90! http://twitpic.com/xkpyr
  
• 15:23:05: Leaving @HarrahsLaughlin with @PhoenixCub now. @RioVegas, here we come!!!!! :-D
  
• 16:08:57: Now, I like hairy guys with facial hair, but this is going a little overboard!! LOL http://twitpic.com/xl03j
  
• 17:22:33: Wow!! Three free nights at @RioVegas in a sweet suite!! http://twitpic.com/xlbyr http://twitpic.com/xlbyq http://twitpic.com/xlbyk
  
• 17:24:10: In a suite at Rio All-Suite Hotel & Casino
  
• 17:25:13: Views from our @RioVegas suite!! http://twitpic.com/xlcc8 http://twitpic.com/xlcc9
  
• 18:38:52: Houdini just turned $20 into $60.04 for me at @RioVegas!! :-) http://twitpic.com/xlowb
  
• 19:49:02: Rough pre-dinner losses now total only $50. Spent $8 on dinner last night and brunch today was free thanks to Diana at @HarrahsLaughlin! :-)
  
• 21:30:05: The Peppermill says hi, @TheCosmicJester!! ;-) http://twitpic.com/xm9nc http://twitpic.com/xmf3s
  
• 21:48:04: Before & After: Peppermill Fruit: Archuelta Family killed! http://twitpic.com/xmhl0 http://twitpic.com/xmhky http://twitpic.com/xmhkz
  
• 22:01:52: They’re bringing out a new Barbie doll called “Internet Barbie”, which is really a fat guy claiming to be a hot blonde!
  
• 23:07:41: The Tribe Has Spoken! Survivor stole my twenny dalla!! http://twitpic.com/xmrfj
  
• 23:26:48: Twenny mo' done up n' leff!! http://twitpic.com/xmtjo
  
• 23:42:23: Abandon ship!! HTF do I play it?!?! http://twitpic.com/xmv32
  

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From Twitter 01-09-2010

• 08:02:05: People say I’m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they’re stupid).
  
• 13:05:12: RT @CitizenKurt: I'm so easily distrac
  
• 15:01:13: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance....by not waiting for the cop to show up after the accident!
  
• 16:20:50: Finally on my way with @PhoenixCub!! @HarrahsLaughlin, here we come!! :-D
  
• 18:32:16: When did Fred Savage get so freakin' gorgeous?!?!
  
• 21:19:07: Really @PhoenixCub?! The route that's 50 miles longer cause it's all highway?! Google shows the same time... But yeah, let's go that way!
  
• 21:35:15: at Laughlin
  
• 21:37:40: Just got to Laughlin, NV!! Woo hooooo!! http://twitpic.com/xh1h7
  
• 22:01:26: 95% of men masturbate. The other 5% don't have hands.
  
• 23:44:17: I just gave Ron (@PhoenixCub) a wet spot....with my entire glass of iced tea!! :-/
  

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From Twitter 01-08-2010

• 01:20:02: Ever repeat a word sp much that it starts to sound funny and stops making sense?? That's "sugar" for me tonight!! LOL
  
• 12:05:15: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:02:37: My friend came out of the closet today… I knew I should have gotten a stronger lock!
  
• 21:58:40: RT @PhoenixCub Hehe. @MichaelParisi is ready to tryout to be on the next Survivor! http://twitgoo.com/bc688 @Survivor_Tweet @Jeff_Probst
  
• 22:01:05: Q: What do French women and basketball players have in common?
  A: They only shower after four periods!
  

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From Twitter 01-07-2010

• 00:32:10: RT @PhoenixCub: Okay! @MichaelParisi and I got one night comped at @HarrahsLaughlin and three nights comped at @RioVegas. On Sat, Nevad ...
  
• 00:35:43: RT @CitizenKurt: My twitter friends are much more understanding than my facebook friends.
  
• 00:44:44: Me too! RT @jime60647 I agree! @rob_sheridan Thx @WarnerBrosEnt, this type of thing makes torrenting an easy decision: http://bit.ly/8mUGWy
  
• 00:55:32: ROFL!!! RT @TheCosmicJester Walmart's rollbacks aren't nearly as good of deals as they used to be: http://twitpic.com/wvv2c
  
• 08:06:33: I’d love to see a soccer match between Wales and Russia just so that I could see WAL-RUS on the scoreboard!
  
• 15:02:05: When my GPS says “Estimated Arrival Time", I hear “Time to Beat"!
  
• 22:01:53: Q: What do my boyfriend and an Xbox 360 have in common?
  A: They both get a red ring when they're fucked!
  

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From Twitter 01-06-2010

• 01:08:11: http://twitpic.com/wvt5k - I turned $112 into $225.00 tonight at Casino Arizona!! WOO HOOOOOO!!!
  
• 08:01:26: Being an organ donor takes guts!!
  
• 15:01:12: When a Jehovah's Witness dies and knocks on the gates of Heaven, does God hide and pretends He’s not home?
  
• 17:40:20: A worker at my local Chipotle restaurant looks just like @Satyr78. So freakin' hot!!! :-)
  
• 18:01:35: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.
  
• 20:23:32: Just a heads up to @HarrahsLaughlin & @RioVegas - @PhoenixCub and I are on our way 1/9-10 & 1/10-13! Any promos or fun stuff for us?? :-)
  
• 21:03:20: Me and @PhoenixCub actually found a good use for @GoogleWave!! :-)
  
• 22:01:11: Q: Why do most women lose all their teeth before age 50?
  A: Disobedience.
  

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From Twitter 01-05-2010

• 08:01:15: I lost my mood ring last night. I don’t know how I feel about this...
  
• 15:01:34: A man was hit on my street last night by a reversing car. Police are urging the driver to come forward.
  
• 17:22:43: I have @BayleeDutchess purring in one ear and @MeowX2Kitty in the other. They're making me sleepy!! :-/
  
• 19:59:28: Here for Zoo Lights at Phoenix Zoo
  
• 20:04:06: Here at Zoo Lights!! Should be cool!! http://twitpic.com/wuv97
  
• 20:36:15: Me and @PhoenixCub at Zoo Lights and some exhibits!! http://twitpic.com/wuzsy http://twitpic.com/wuzju http://twitpic.com/wuzk0
  
• 20:36:44: Zoo Lights exhibits. http://twitpic.com/wuzvu http://twitpic.com/wuzvs http://twitpic.com/wuzvm http://twitpic.com/wuzvw
  
• 20:38:42: Deadly creatures, a peacock, and da bear! http://twitpic.com/wv05v http://twitpic.com/wv05n http://twitpic.com/wv05w
  
• 20:45:46: Giraffes, penguins, & trees. http://twitpic.com/wv16o http://twitpic.com/wv16v http://twitpic.com/wv16x http://twitpic.com/wv16t
  
• 20:53:52: Zebra & scenery. http://twitpic.com/wv2bc http://twitpic.com/wv2bj http://twitpic.com/wv2bi http://twitpic.com/wv2bd
  
• 20:59:03: Sun, camel, monkeys, & SPMM!! http://twitpic.com/wv31d http://twitpic.com/wv31a http://twitpic.com/wv31c http://twitpic.com/wv30w
  
• 21:12:05: Bigfoot sighting!! http://twitpic.com/wv4rz
  
• 21:12:48: Rhinocer-ass! http://twitpic.com/wv4vf
  
• 21:23:18: Lake reflection & walkway lights http://twitpic.com/wv67f http://twitpic.com/wv67g http://twitpic.com/wv67m http://twitpic.com/wv67l
  
• 21:34:09: Orangutans, elephants, & lizards http://twitpic.com/wv7ni http://twitpic.com/wv7no http://twitpic.com/wv7nj http://twitpic.com/wv7nr
  
• 21:34:59: The Komodo Dragon exhibit. No festive lights here!! http://twitpic.com/wv7r7
  
• 21:40:10: Deer, boar, & more scenery. http://twitpic.com/wv8dq http://twitpic.com/wv8ds http://twitpic.com/wv8dm http://twitpic.com/wv8dp
  
• 21:46:49: Video: Penguin Lights http://twitvid.com/63B54
  
• 21:48:52: Video: Gengo the Giraffe spoke to me! I can die happy now!! ;-) http://twitvid.com/44FF0
  
• 21:57:14: Video: Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Wizards in Winter set to lights at Phoenix Zoo's Zoo Lights!! Pretty!! :-) http://twitvid.com/25BA0
  
• 22:01:05: Main entrance of Zoo Lights. http://twitpic.com/wvaxf http://twitpic.com/wvaxj http://twitpic.com/wvaxl http://twitpic.com/wvaxh
  
• 22:01:23: Bored? Sexually frustrated? Can’t sleep? Have a wank
  
• 22:01:36: More scenery. http://twitpic.com/wvazz http://twitpic.com/wvb02 http://twitpic.com/wvb01
  
• 22:03:04: Happy bears!! http://twitvid.com/8B6FA http://twitpic.com/wvb1k
  
• 22:08:45: (Got cut off for some reason.) "Bored? Sexually frustrated? Can’t sleep? Have a wank! It cures all 3!!"
  

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From Twitter 01-04-2010

• 08:05:08: I stumbled across my boyfriend's secret diary this morning. His days are numbered.
  
• 22:01:13: Women reach their sexual peak when they hit thirty. I reach my sexual peak when I hit women.
  
• 23:33:37: RT @PhoenixCub: In just a week, I'll be enjoying my free nights at @RioVegas! Yay!
  

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From Twitter 01-03-2010

• 01:11:53: Cryptic ransom note?! Terror threat?! http://twitpic.com/whe6o
  
• 01:29:12: My new baby (temporarily @MeowX2Kitty) is so calm and gentle...when she's sleeping!! http://twitpic.com/whfxo
  
• 01:43:41: RT @cinemascribe: so, do you really get twitterjail when you over tweet and have to go on a tweet diet.. is there overtweeters anonymous?
  
• 01:43:50: RT @PrimaryDisorder: When I see Bob Saget doing stand-up/gratuitously cussing in an effort to redeem himself from Full House--I want to ...
  
• 08:01:37: I’d enjoy Reggae more if the songs ended.
  
• 15:02:02: Worrying works! 99% of the things I worry about never happen!
  
• 16:04:38: Sad! RT @marchinko Just saw a 70-year-old woman pushing a stroller but there was no baby in it. Is that just what happens when we get older?
  
• 22:01:12: Why is it that a man can't aim when someone leaves the toilet seat down?! He pisses like an epileptic at a disco!!!
  

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From Twitter 01-02-2010

• 08:01:34: The economy is so bad that CEOs are now playing miniature golf!
  
• 15:00:17: From @TheCosmicJester: "The idea of ending a sentence w/ a preposition is 1 that up w/ which I will not put. -Cronkite"
  
• 18:01:36: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 20:19:42: Q:Pizza or Lasagna? A:Pizza! http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/14970284 #formspringme
  
• 20:21:13: Q:What are you thankful for this year? A:Not much. I wish there was more for... http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/14864275 #formspringme
  
• 20:23:00: Q:Any resolutions or goals for the c... A:It's so cliche, but I want to lose... http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi/q/14901052 #formspringme
  
• 20:27:40: Ask me anything you want! http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi
  
• 22:01:10: The bigger they are.....the more likely they are to be fake!
  

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From Twitter 01-01-2010

• 00:01:30: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
  
• 02:06:31: I know it's not Thanksgiving, but I'm thankful to Karen & Hannah for this lovely drunken stupor! And for @PhoenixCub for being so awesome!!
  
• 08:01:37: Work is just something I’m doing until I win the lottery...
  
• 08:52:57: NO HANGOVER!! Either that or I'm *still* drunk... Either way: Yaaaaaay!!!
  
• 08:55:01: Yaaay for Lori, my midnight New Year's sneaky kiss. And Hannah's a killer bartender... No srsly...she tried to kill me!!
  
• 12:05:31: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 13:14:09: Oops... I really need to clean out my phone... :-(
  
• 15:02:36: Somebody asked me the other day about my feelings on constipation. I said I couldnt give a shit!
  
• 22:01:39: Never die a virgin. When you get to Heaven, they make you fuck a suicide bomber!!
  

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From Twitter 12-31-2009

• 03:35:30: Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MichaelParisi
  
• 03:36:32: RT @JoeMyGod: Rush Limbaugh has a pre-existing condition: he's an Asshole.
  
• 03:38:06: RT @ktur: Merry Christmas. Sorry my gift is late! xoxo -Rush Limbaugh
  
• 08:01:20: Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  
• 15:02:06: You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...
  
• 22:08:04: Do emo girls cry *before* having sex?
  

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