From Twitter 08-30-2009

• 01:23:00: Big Brother to Michelle in #BBAfterDark: "Michelle, please treat your microphone with RESPECT!!" ROFL!!!
  
• 01:29:22: Big Brother TOLD Michelle!! Hehehe http://pi.pe/87bjji
  
• 01:58:53: Does anyone know anything about Google's API for ShortLinks? It uses Python and .PY files... Please help!!
  
• 05:31:23: Pleasantly buzzed! Had a great time with @thecosmicjester and @electrocub tonight... Come back any time!! I love having people over!!
  
• 05:41:50: Me likey Yellow Tail Shiraz! I'm not twitfaced, but I'm pretty darn close!! @thecosmicjester @electrocub
  
• 05:42:42: #nott Me likey Yellow Tail Shiraz!! I'm not twitfaced, but I'm pretty darn close!!
  
• 06:32:57: Just took my 115th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 07:56:01: RT @TheEngTeacher: #Snow Leopard Proves No Threat to Windows 7 (PC World) http://viigo.im/0JQq
  
• 07:58:28: RT @Mike_Wesely: #QUOTE: “A goal is a dream with a deadline.”~Napoleon Hill
  
• 08:00:26: Jesus is on Twitter, but unfortunately he only has twelve followers.
  
• 08:03:59: RT @tdhurst: I love switch's brunch! Nice to have the place to myself when I go.
  
• 08:09:21: RT @jjvirgin: We r living in a wrld where lemonade is made frm artificial flavors & furniture polish is made frm real lemons-Alfred E Newman
  
• 08:43:29: I'm gonna have nightmares!! RT @IfWeTweetIt: Hello ladies, 2 tickets to the gun show! http://twitpic.com/fup2e
  
• 15:00:25: I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow!!
  
• 18:45:16: Just 1 swollen tastebud! Ow!!
  
• 20:03:25: PEOPLE!! "Disorientated" is NOT a word! Using it does NOT make you sound smart!!
  
• 21:46:45: RT @PatParisi: Frm Michael: I created a Last Memories pg 4 Mom. Pls feel free 2 add 2 it. Link on mom's site: http://x.michaelparisi.net/mom
  
• 22:00:19: Seriously, it's getting so bad that even my fantasies just want to be friends!
  
• 23:27:22: Bank sign says 107F at 6:45p... Doesn't feel like it!! Oh God...is it happening?!?! Am I.......acclimating?!?!
  

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From Twitter 08-29-2009

• 03:58:10: Just passed an bank sign... It's 87F right now at 4:00am!! Sheesh!!
  
• 05:59:16: OMG!! RT @BBGossip: Wow- Michele won the POV - I'd guess that means Jeff is going home on Thursday - can't see it being Jordan or Natalie.
  
• 06:12:16: RT @twrivia Pepsi-Cola was invented by Caleb Bradham on August 28 1898. What did Bradham initially call it?http://twrivia.com
  
• 08:03:26: Q: What do you call a tall guy from Baghdad?
  A: A High-raqi!
  
• 11:22:05: Pretty Cool Palindrome from @ChaCha & @242242: "Are we not drawn onwards, we Jews, drawn onward to new era?"
  
• 11:31:23: http://twitpic.com/fqa3s - @jime60647 playing Guitar Hero! (He's a GH virgin)
  
• 11:35:35: Gosh, I miss KFI AM 640!!
  
• 12:13:36: Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? (from @ChaCha & @242242 via text)
  
• 14:17:25: http://twitpic.com/fr3ri - Great shirt!!
  
• 14:26:09: Had fun playing #GuitarHero with @jime60647 untill the "Wii" hours of the morning!! hehehe
  
• 15:01:48: Q: What's big, grey, and doesn't matter?
  A: An Irr-elephant!
  
• 15:46:54: How the hell do I have more followers than @Itayhod?!?! Wow!!
  
• 15:49:49: RT @MichaelsThought: How mny Gay ppl will it take 2 convince govt to give our community equal rights? Dont no yet,could b just 1,could b u?
  
• 15:59:39: RE:|
  Fav
  
• 16:15:57: Just took my 114th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 16:28:29: http://twitpic.com/frr5t - @foubouphx with the babies!!
  
• 16:57:37: I like that! RT @ChrisCrocker: my heart isn't broken. it just sprained it's ankle.
  
• 17:58:23: I love last night's #BBAfterDark!! Some very funny shit!! Hehehe
  
• 18:14:05: Sales tax should be a tax on the BUSINESS for the privilege of doing business!! Consumers shouldn't have to pay to help the economy!!
  
• 22:00:28: Although Michael Jackson is gone, he will live on forever in the memory of others...no matter how much therapy those kids have!!
  
• 23:05:56: Spending HOURS rebuilding/debugging my friend's website! Check it out and refresh all night to see changes: http://x.michaelparisi.net/tfn
  
• 23:19:25: Can everyone, with all ur diff browsers, pls see http://x.michaelparisi.net/tfn & tell me if something doesn't work? Esp the floating menu.
  
• 23:21:06: I guess I should be more specific... Does anything look cut off? Does the menu move up & down w/ the page? http://x.michaelparisi.net/tfn
  

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From Twitter 08-28-2009

• 00:33:37: "2 girls, 1 cup" is what John Waters WISHED Divine would have done!!
  
• 01:55:56: Hehehe RT @BBGossip ATTENTION - Natalie is showering to prepare for tonight's Big Brother show. - THAT IS ALL #BBFeeds
  
• 02:10:47: HAHAHA RT @BrienBear I have more x's than a big and tall store!
  
• 02:33:11: The Sphinx in Mario Kart just now was @JohnBarham's Mii! :-D
  
• 02:58:34: Just took my 113th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 03:00:00: Just found a great site to get free twitter backgrounds... http://revtwt.com/1348191
  
• 03:28:03: Look at my newly-designed homepage via this link. 5 sec of ads and I get paid! Help me out! http://bit.ly/12wjw3
  
• 08:00:18: When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
  
• 12:06:19: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 12:36:23: Why did Yelp have to "sneak" augmented reality into its app? Does Apple have a problem with it?!
  
• 12:40:23: RT @MichaelsThought Gay Rights r important, we can't let another gen grow up being discriminated against nor a gen die w/o seeing equality
  
• 12:52:44: RT @LooksLike: #LOL #LooksLike Silk Soymilk Bird Totally Looks Like Twitter Bird http://tinyurl.com/kqj8t5
  
• 13:13:15: Thank you for the #followfriday, @xCub! Here's yours!! ;-) #ff #pridefriday
  
• 14:05:33: RT @AriMelber: "It's no wonder truth is stranger than fiction; fiction has to make sense."
  
• 14:08:43: Hehehe RT @franktheman1: Party in my pants tonight!! Who's cumming?
  
• 14:14:21: RT @steverubel: Quote: "In the future, everybody will be anonymous for 15 minutes." http://ff.im/-7jsDI
  
• 14:21:15: RT @BigBrotherLeak: No idea why feeds are still down. Early nominations? Something to do with the door twist? Luxury comp? No clue! #bb11
  
• 14:33:16: EEEEWWWW!! RT @tonyhawk: Bacon tastes good, chocolate tastes good. So this must be amazing. Fair food FTW! http://yfrog.com/5zvc0j
  
• 14:54:02: I'M SICK OF @TWITTERFON CRASHING!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
  
• 15:00:25: Q: What's the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?
  A: Jesus doesn't have Mexicans tattooed all over Him!
  
• 18:00:06: http://twitpic.com/fn36w - Jeez... I really need to shave!!
  
• 18:05:36: OMG Did Kevin really nominate Jeff?! how is Jeff handling it?? #BB11
  
• 18:12:13: Wow! Extra shots went up 15 cents at @Starbucks!! That's quite a jump!!
  
• 18:40:58: Too bad I hate it here, because it IS really pretty!!
  
• 20:37:28: Hehe I said 'taint'!!
  
• 22:00:21: I'm not saying I'm ugly, but I think my virginity's growing back!
  
• 22:54:31: "He has webbed fingers! I don't care if he's naked!!" - @jime60647
  

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From Twitter 08-27-2009

• 01:23:45: Just took my 112th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 01:41:54: RT @BrienBear TEMPE AZ MINISTER ADVOCATES KILLING OF GAYS! http://tinyurl.com/m95bry
  
• 03:05:20: RT @tophersterling: I solemnly swear that I am up to no good...
  
• 04:04:52: RT @MichaelsThought: Go thru the day loving urself as a born Gay Person. Love,Respect,& Dignity are your birthright. Settle 4 nothing less.
  
• 04:23:11: RT @NoOnPropH8: Prop 8 - The Musical ! Very funny 3min show starring Jack Black as Jesus http://sn.im/rdytk #NoOnPr.. http://bit.ly/KcIXD
  
• 04:24:01: Go on... without... me..... http://twitpic.com/ffofc
  
• 04:24:58: Can't talk now!! http://twitpic.com/ffohm
  
• 04:25:56: Koala Kitty!! http://twitpic.com/ffojz
  
• 04:28:30: Seat hog!! http://twitpic.com/ffoqg
  
• 04:28:56: Cat traps!! ROFL http://twitpic.com/fforg
  
• 04:35:07: Where's gravity going?! http://twitpic.com/ffp4y
  
• 04:36:06: Don't be sad... http://twitpic.com/ffp7e
  
• 04:36:39: String theory... http://twitpic.com/ffp8t
  
• 08:01:19: My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  
• 14:56:43: As in life, so true!! RT @BrienBear: OMG!! HA!! RT @blondamb70: http://www.peopleofwalmart.com Go there, link doesn't work! LOL
  
• 15:00:32: Swine flu: Clearly created to get people to shut the fuck up about the recession!!
  
• 15:07:53: Hehehe RT @jmoriarty: @markdudlik Is it the Pope? Sometimes when he calls me it shows up as Milan for some reason.
  
• 15:28:41: No comment!! RT @greggrunberg: Found it!! My old Yearbook photo. DON'T LAUGH!! http://yfrog.com/e5ki3j
  
• 15:37:59: RT @CBSTweet: Lydia and Jessie’s highly anticipated reunion at the jury house tonight AT 8 PM ET/PT on BIG BROTHER!! #BB11
  
• 15:48:46: WOO HOOO!!! RT @Mrlandmark: @MichaelParisi Congratulations you have reached 1000 followers!! Spread the word!-> http://bit.ly/IiORl
  
• 17:32:48: Eeeew, Taco Bell vurp! Yuck!
  
• 17:45:32: Caught up to live TV on #BB11... Now I gotta sit thru commercials! GRRRR!!
  
• 21:03:20: Did Kevin with HoH?? #BB11
  
• 22:00:16: I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point. She turned around and found out I was walking her home!!
  
• 22:53:59: My web host's sale! $2.95/1yr for COM/NET/ORG/BIZ/INFO/US + FREE HOSTING! http://x.michaelparisi.net/web (I'll get u storage upgrade too!)
  
• 23:00:34: BTW, no one asked me 2 send that out. I just noticed the sale & thought you'd wanna know! I own several domains w/ them & am very happy!
  

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From Twitter 08-26-2009

• 04:26:55: I hope this isn't bad news for the US version!! RT @BigBrotherMad: Big Brother to be axed by Channel 4 http://bit.ly/4bwwOK
  
• 04:27:47: RT @hamsterwatch: Big Brother UK 2 b cancelled after its next season www.tinyurl.com/mjnrjt Australia's is already gone..will ours be next?
  
• 08:00:24: My car was just re-possessed... I didn't even know the old ghost had left!
  
• 13:24:12: Hahaha!! RT @JefferyAtkinson: If swimming is so good for you why are whales so fat?
  
• 13:47:41: RT @TheViewfrom111: Word of the day for all my fellow tweeps: "twitfaced", adj. the condition of being drunk and tweeting at the same time.
  
• 15:16:28: Time for coffee!
  
• 15:55:26: Just took my 111th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 16:09:31: I hope to God that Brad and Angelina's daughter, Shiloh Pitt, is dyslexic.
  
• 18:01:07: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a savings or checking account. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! Give me ur name & email so I can invite you!
  
• 22:01:02: Q: What's the diff btwn Neil Armstrong & Michael Jackson?
  A: Neil Armstrong WALKED on the MOON. Michael Jackson had sex with young boys!
  

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From Twitter 08-25-2009

• 00:04:46: Just took my 110th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 01:45:36: Why is everyone's 1st question on Bear411 "What are you into?" or "R u a top or bttm?" When did I become a piece of meat? How about chat?!
  
• 02:11:31: Just a little over 4 weeks until @Survivor_Samoa starts on CBS!! I can't wait!! #S19 (@Survivor_CBS)
  
• 03:24:44: The Gamefly commercials that say "Products shown rated E thru M" don't show any products! That makes me chuckle!!
  
• 03:25:18: Well done! Hehehe (RT @JennaGreen11: How did the pig take a cross country trip?....the swine flew ;) original joke while waiting....)
  
• 03:32:38: ROFL! RT @postyoursecret 1963) Our downstairs bathroom is finally done after like a year. I get to take a shower in it in an hour. I might
  
• 03:32:39: take viagra before I do.
  
• 03:35:00: Hahaha (RT @robromoni: listening to abba in the car doesnt make me gay but giving a bj in the car listening to abba does haha!!)
  
• 03:51:16: Nothing beats a nice intestinal parasite! LOL (RT @robromoni: i would blow a midget for a tape worm to lose these last five pounds...)
  
• 03:57:55: Very nice!! (RT @tinybuddha: "When you complain, you make yourself a victim. When you speak out, you are in power." Eckhart Tolle)
  
• 04:04:21: Hmmm... I'm not sure!! (RT @littlecrazycub: *ponders* so at what point do I go from being a cub to being a bear?)
  
• 04:10:35: RT @peacelovelunges: I'm your son. I'm your brother. I'm your trainer. I'm your neighbor. I'm your best friend. I'm your uncle. And I'm ...
  
• 06:52:53: I'm sick of the same damn 5 songs on the radio! "Business Doin' Pleasure", "Mother's Love", & Taylor Swift!! VARIETY, PEOPLE!!
  
• 07:00:21: "I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement & a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion. ...
  
• 09:13:42: You'll run out of money chasing after women, but you'll never run out of women chasing after money.
  
• 11:37:30: I just found out that I shouldn't have been putting ShamWows in the dryer. Did I damage them?!
  
• 11:37:41: Me duele mucho mi espalda... :-(
  
• 13:07:42: Hahaha RT @rainnwilson: There is a giant fountain outside the gates of Forest Lawn Cemetary. Someone should pour red dye in it.
  
• 13:23:10: I do!!!! RT @mlvlatina: I don't tweet about religion or politics. Twitter is for entertainment and networking, I don't like controversy :)
  
• 15:00:22: I have a friend who is very annoyed at the amount of racism on sites like Twitter. I told him to lighten up...
  
• 15:14:36: Why do people with such bad teeth on HDTV insist on smiling so big?!?! FLOSS, PEOPLE!!
  
• 18:18:57: Kicking some butt on the Nintendo Wii WFC!!
  
• 19:02:42: Saw my first @Survivor_Samoa commercial!! SOOOO EXCITED!!! Thursday, September 17th, 2009 at 8:00PM!! Set your TiVo!!!
  
• 19:03:24: OMG I love Jordan even more!!! #BB11
  
• 19:51:01: Oh... My... God!! Need I say more?!?! #BB11
  
• 22:00:26: My wife was offered $100,000 to appear nude in Playboy Magazine. The offer came from Penthouse!!
  

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From Twitter 08-24-2009

• 00:32:39: Just took my 109th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 00:36:28: I'm not trying to be gross or nothin' -- but why does only ONE armpit smell??? I know I need a shower but that's odd!! Hehehe
  
• 02:49:31: Eeeew, not gonna shower...just gonna crash! Sooo tired!!
  
• 08:00:27: Comedy for a Monday morning: Don't add your boss on Facebook!! Here's why: http://imgur.com/6zjNO.jpg
  
• 11:31:19: I can't take this stress!! Somebody bring me a cigarette! And a lighter! And some booze...and chocolate!! Rub my back too!!
  
• 15:00:20: They say a woman's work is never done. Maybe that's why they get paid less???
  
• 15:16:34: http://twitpic.com/f5gpb - Pretty powerful image!! Separate but equal?? I think not!!
  
• 15:44:58: RT @boalt: Get a @Boalt frisbee when you RT this - http://yfrog.com/5dgeknj (and pm me your address)
  
• 16:01:05: Oops just publicly tweeted my address!! What a dummy!! :-/
  
• 16:03:08: Thankfully it was just my PO Box so no stalkers will come knocking... Lol
  
• 16:07:46: RT @blakeshelton: Just find out that my two cents isn't really worth as much.....
  
• 16:17:30: Hehehe RT @SocialMediaMo: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. #quote
  
• 17:03:19: I wonder if @BayleeDutchess sleeps under the covers when I'm not here...
  
• 20:22:07: http://twitpic.com/f6mqz - Cool photo: Bird in a drinking fountain!
  
• 20:24:09: http://twitpic.com/f6myt - I love this couple!! They have the right idea!!
  
• 20:26:17: http://twitpic.com/f6n7s - Political Cartoon: Protecting the Sanctity of Marriage
  
• 20:28:06: http://twitpic.com/f6nf8 - EVEN BETTER Political Cartoon: Black President = The End of Discrimination in America??
  
• 21:32:55: ROFL ~ RT @BigBrotherHOH (Jeff) jordan is a sweet girl and i respect that..... dosen't mean im gonna stop trying?????? ha
  
• 22:00:18: Q: What's the biggest difference between men & women?
  A: What they mean when saying, "I used a whole box of tissues watching that film!"
  
• 22:39:49: Anyone wanna come over for swimming or am I going alone??
  
• 22:47:24: Please @BigBrotherScoop, turn off their mics BEFORE we hear them peeing live on Showtime!! #BB11
  
• 23:14:04: GREAT QUOTE:
  
  "There’s no reason that the government should prevent homosexuals from entering civil marriages be (cont) http://tl.gd/e73s
  
• 23:41:42: Less than $800 after tax round trip to go to Tokyo in October! Anyone wanna go??
  
• 23:53:51: Orlando, FL for 8 nights next month for around $220 round trip after taxes. Plus a Disney package!! Anyone wanna go??
  

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From Twitter 08-23-2009

• 00:01:08: http://twitpic.com/eyu66 - If only.....
  
• 05:21:39: Great evening with @thecosmicjester and @electrocub! I'm glad I came out!! Now just trying to race the sunrise home...
  
• 05:38:18: RT @NOH8Campaign: Every face we add to the @noh8campaign helps to #CHANGETHEWORLD
  
• 05:48:42: The radio ad 4 SmokeAssassin pisses me off! It says smokers r being taxed more & "it's not fair"! Don't wanna pay tobacco tax?! DON'T SM ...
  
• 05:58:24: Just took my 108th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 06:36:57: ROFL!!! OMG that is sooo funny!!!!! RT @tremendousnews: Good morning! It appears Johnny Walker has stolen my pants.
  
• 08:00:22: Q: Why can't Chinese people have erections?
  A: Because it's a communist country. They don't vote!
  
• 15:00:22: Caster Semenya: 'Taking the heat off Lady Gaga since 2009'
  
• 16:57:40: NEW RESPECT!!!! <3 RT @NOH8Campaign: right now @chimasimone is on her way to the studio. #NOH8 #changetheworld #BB11
  
• 18:32:40: I wanna travel somewhere?! Any ideas where??
  
• 18:53:03: These sob stories on "Locked Up Abroad" crack me up! If you don't want to do jail time, don't try to smuggle drugs!!! Simple as pie!!
  
• 19:26:52: It's so early!! What's going on tonight?? Anything social? Until then, I'll be on the Wii's WFC!! :-D
  
• 22:00:25: Virginity is like a soap bubble. One prick and it's gone!
  

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From Twitter 08-22-2009

• 02:28:36: Best worst movie ever, complete with Mangina! @jime60647 stars in "Back Woods", avail on #Netflix!! Let's get #BackWoods trending! ROFLMAO
  
• 02:46:10: Yaaaaay!! RT @Mrlandmark: @MichaelParisi Congratulations you have reached 900 followers!! Spread the word!->http://bit.ly/IiORl
  
• 08:00:25: Q: What’s the best way to punish dyslexic criminals?
  A: Give them a long sentence!
  
• 11:30:58: Hi, I am making money on twitter through twivert. You can also start with a signup bonus of $5. http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 15:00:23: A new guy started at work this morning. He's a microbiologist. He's fucking tiny!!!
  
• 17:41:52: Watching a BEAUTIFUL lightning storm right now!!
  
• 17:48:34: Cool!! The #BB11 Houseguests are talking about @ChaCha (@242242) on last night's #BBAfterDark! I used to work for them!! LOL
  
• 17:52:19: Just took my 107th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 17:58:27: http://twitpic.com/exge7 - Me and @jime60647, star of #BackWoods and #BloodOrgyOfTheDamned!! So freakin' cool!! Hehehe
  
• 18:07:31: RT @DailyBaylee: http://twitpic.com/exh9w - Daily Mugshot #103 - Cuddling with daddy! (@MichaelParisi)
  
• 18:17:00: My new favorite sleeping pill: Alcohol!!
  
• 18:33:18: ROFLMAO!! Learned new word on FB today! "Hobosexual" - the opposite of "Metrosexual" - a gay man who doesn't care how he looks!! LOL
  
• 19:12:36: Why is Jeff being so mean to Jordan on last night's #BBAfterDark?!?!?! #BB11
  
• 19:34:10: ROFL!! Jeff telling Jordan that u have to make a farm animal sound when u get a pair in "Go Fish"! And of COURSE she believes him! #BB11
  
• 21:56:27: RT @GayMarriage: www.GayML.com The Horrible Things That Gay Marriage Will Do: by Conor Clarke http://bit.ly/NUlsV
  
• 22:00:27: Caster Semenya, the woman 800m runner being gender tested, is, quite appropriately, an anagram of 'Yes, a secret man'.
  
• 22:06:00: Going on the Nintendo WFC to play games on the Wii. Anyone wanna join me?? My codes are at http://ow.ly/kZSW - send me yours!!
  
• 23:24:15: Pedestrian just had the idea: "Let's wear all black at 11pm and cross against the light mere inches in front of this van!!" IDIOT!!!
  

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From Twitter 08-21-2009

• 04:58:15: I love you, @foubouphx!!
  
• 05:34:11: RT @bouska: We would like 2 reach out 2 our followers 2 help get @Oprah on board with the @noh8campaign. All u big tweeters let her know! RT
  
• 05:40:18: I feel honored that @AskJesusChrist is following me!!
  
• 05:44:57: Just took my 106th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:00:44: Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said in the first place!
  
• 09:14:10: Monetize your twitter account with twivert, get a signup bonus of $5 http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 12:06:54: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 12:44:58: Why does Chloe, my GPS unit, want me to take side streets everywhere?!
  
• 12:47:04: Why do people bother to have lawns if they have to flood them to stay alive?!?!
  
• 12:52:16: http://twitpic.com/eqyuc - Enough said...
  
• 12:52:40: http://twitpic.com/eqyxb - My Xbox Avatar!!
  
• 15:00:28: A computer once beat me at Chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing!
  
• 17:41:55: RT @teeco71: LOVE THIS! RT @Flipbooks RT @powerwriter: "For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness." ~ Anonymous
  
• 17:56:12: ROFLMAO!!! RT @SarahKSilverman: I changed a baby's diaper today and she had a totally shaved vagina. What a country!
  
• 18:10:14: I really just wish people would get the WHOLE story!!
  
• 18:41:21: I wanna go to Disney World!!
  
• 18:59:37: that's our job.
  
• 18:59:37: RT @realityblurred: Something that aired on TV is never a spoiler. We DVR users can't demand the world protect us from our procrastination;
  
• 19:00:21: that's our job.
  
• 19:04:47: ROFLMAO!!! RT @blakeshelton: It's no use!!! I can't sleep without a fan!!!
  And air blowing on me helps too.....
  
• 22:00:20: Q: What do 54,000 UK Women who suffer domestic violence every year have in common?
  A: They don't fucking listen!
  (Hehehe Just a re ...
  

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From Twitter 08-20-2009

• 00:19:13: Just took my 105th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 07:28:54: Want to earn from Twitter? Learn how you can monetize tweets here, start with a bonus of $5. http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 08:00:17: I feel like I'm being watched! I've been looking at Google Street View & the same van has been parked outside my house for days now!!
  
• 15:00:19: Q: How do you get a child to stop wetting the bed?
  A: Give him an electric blanket!
  
• 19:03:55: Hey everyone... @JennaGreen11 is ALLLLLLL talk!!
  
• 21:06:57: I'd rather no one feel that they have to "choose sides".... But if that's what you feel you must do, at least choose mine!! ROFL j/k
  
• 21:09:35: ROFL!!!! (RT @legionofdave: Do you have to be pregnant to attend maternity yoga? Can you just be fat?)
  
• 21:26:00: I've gotta get crackin'!! I have over 26 THOUSAND unread emails in my inbox!! How did I let that happen?!?!
  
• 21:26:47: Wii night, and hopefully swimming, with @TheCosmicJester tonight!!
  
• 22:00:19: Religion is just for people who don't understand science.
  

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From Twitter 08-19-2009

• 00:13:25: ME AND @PHOENIXCUB ARE NOT, AND WILL NEVER BE, DATING. REGARDLESS OF HIS TWEETS TO WHAT HE TELLS YOU! I'M SICK OF IT!!! I CAN'T DO CLINGY!!
  
• 00:17:35: Read the whole thread, people! It was a JOKE TWEET with a comment from @ajpreyes, which I replied to to make it perfectly clear I'm single!
  
• 00:20:56: I'm so sick of hearing about this "relationship" I'm NOT in every time I turn around!! Joe won't stop harping, Ron won't stop pressuring...
  
• 00:28:03: Aaaand back and forth go the DMs I'm sure!! Talk away, people!! Then come to me when you want the real story..
  
• 00:49:59: Goodnight tweeple... Time for a much-needed prescription-induced sleep coma!! I can't handle this...not now!!
  
• 00:52:24: I didn't want to hurt any feelings but at some point I need MY voice to be heard...
  
• 00:59:27: Okay...now goodnight for realz...
  
• 03:05:42: SHE'S NOT DEAD, KEVIN!! Hehehe #BB11
  
• 03:43:47: Hey Big Brother viewers...do y'all hate Michelle too, or do the other HG's see something I don't?!?!
  
• 06:26:53: Highlight of my tubing trip yesterday: Floating past a team of wild horses drinking from the river!
  
• 06:59:51: Want to earn from Twitter? Learn how you can monetize tweets here, start with a bonus of $5. http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 08:18:14: RT @JonathanNelson: Why AT&T Killed Google Voice (Andy Kessler/Wall Street Journal) http://bit.ly/frMzL
  
• 09:04:59: I was down the bar last night when my friend called me "Odd." Now I'm determined to get even!!
  
• 15:00:22: When I'm hungry, I have the attention span of a
  
• 17:14:36: Just took my 104th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 17:15:05: I'm actually *craving* Taco Bell... What's wrong with me?!?!
  
• 18:01:28: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a savings or checking account. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! Give me ur name & email so I can invite you!
  
• 18:26:23: Randyk & Suzi Fernandez are IDIOTS!!! A $7,500 counterclaim reduced to a mere $900. If only they had done their research! HAHAHA FUCK YOU!!
  
• 21:20:06: ROFLMAO!! Peter Griffin posted some naughty shots on the internet!! http://ow.ly/kFsn and http://ow.ly/kFss
  
• 21:37:41: HAHAHAHA (RT @seangunn A wise old man just told me that an experience is defined as anything you can't get out of.)
  
• 22:00:24: The word 'metrosexual' has nothing to do with having sex with trains. How disappointing!!
  
• 23:01:30: Nintendo Wii WFC play, anyone?!
  
• 23:32:07: Srsly...NO ONE with a Wii is reading this right now?!?!
  

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From Twitter 08-18-2009

• 08:08:49: The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born!
  
• 09:00:52: RT @ScottTannerXXX: REALLY? Michael Jackson hasnt been buried yet??!! eeew! and why? so they can do it on his 51st bday on the 29th! weird!
  
• 09:01:42: RT @thebonaventure 30 minutes and counting...at 10am retweet #U.O.Me to us..first five tweets win a room for Aug. 16-20! #U.O.Me
  
• 09:37:19: Up for the past hour...BEFORE my alarm...and I feel great other than my fried arms!! LOL
  
• 09:54:06: RT @Scobleizer: The problem with Twitter as news source: repetition. Robert Novak's death has crossed my screen dozens of times already.
  
• 10:00:21: RT @thebonaventure 30 minutes and counting...at 10am retweet #U.O.Me to us..first five tweets win a room for Aug. 16-20! #U.O.Me
  
• 10:22:25: Just took my 103rd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 10:48:37: My 444th DM was from @PhoenixCub just now! Thought you'd all like to know that!! Hehehe
  
• 12:05:12: Ad: Safety Glasses by @Coptool - Looks just like other popular sunglasses but much safer! $5.95-$24.95, XL, Polorized http://bit.ly/10RQSB
  
• 15:00:31: My boyfriend says I only think about myself. Do you know how much that hurts me?!
  (Just a joke! Save your scolding! LOL)
  
• 22:00:26: My wife thinks I'm gay! Last night I tried to use her back door. When she complained about the pain, I told her to take it like a man!!
  

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From Twitter 08-17-2009

• 01:23:48: RT @robromoni: CHECK THIS VIDEO OUT AND LEARN!! REPOST IS A MUST THANK YOU!! -- NOH8 Campaign PSA http://bit.ly/lKDy3
  
• 01:24:51: RT @NOH8Campaign: Everyone follow @NOH8Australia .Our message is being sent clear across the world!! This proves its not about prop 8. its
  
• 01:24:52: about HUMAN RIGHTS!
  
• 08:01:22: Madonna's new baby is going through a really confusing time after being adopted. He's now wearing the clothes he made two months ago!!
  
• 14:39:08: http://twitpic.com/ea4k1 - About to enter the Salt River!
  
• 14:54:52: Whilst tubing, a blue baby dragonfly rode on me for about 90 min! We named him Draco...
  
• 14:55:03: I just discovered that I'm terrible at skipping rocks!
  
• 14:55:14: http://twitpic.com/ea6s5 - Stopping for a potty break at Bus Exit 2!
  
• 14:56:55: Had a GREAT time tubing on the Salt River with @actordean today!
  
• 15:00:20: If you swing an Asian person around and around, does he become disoriented??
  
• 15:13:17: http://twitpic.com/ea9a7 - Turned on, or disgusted?! You decide...
  
• 17:12:43: Olive Garden has neverending pasta again! Anyone wanna go out to dinner?! @phoenixcub @jime60647 @foubouphx @johnbarham @jbottbr @tiki_beard
  
• 20:33:37: I haven't seen one single tweet from @daveaz79 since he got his PS3. Is he okay??
  
• 20:34:46: Just took my 102nd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 20:52:58: Playing with Photo Booth - Some really hideous shots!! Hehehe http://pi.pe/1a11d3
  
• 20:53:07: Playing with Photo Booth - Some really hideous shots!! Hehehe http://pi.pe/sh5y6p
  
• 20:53:17: Playing with Photo Booth - Some really hideous shots!! Hehehe http://pi.pe/7zje81
  
• 20:53:25: Playing with Photo Booth - Some really hideous shots!! Hehehe http://pi.pe/2qp20b
  
• 20:53:32: Playing with Photo Booth - Some really hideous shots!! Hehehe http://pi.pe/v461va
  
• 20:53:39: Playing with Photo Booth - Some really hideous shots!! Hehehe http://pi.pe/gnprbp
  
• 20:53:47: Playing with Photo Booth - Some really hideous shots!! Hehehe http://pi.pe/xyezrt
  
• 20:53:54: Playing with Photo Booth - Some really hideous shots!! Hehehe http://pi.pe/nnfsvv
  
• 20:54:00: Playing with Photo Booth - Some really hideous shots!! Hehehe http://pi.pe/kbtx8h
  
• 21:18:14: http://twitpic.com/eblvc - Oxymoron much??
  
• 21:26:15: Just heard a new country song called "Rockin' The Beer Gut" about a hot woman with "some extra love around her waist"! I'm speechless!!
  
• 21:31:14: http://twitpic.com/ebn6e - Oxymoron much??
  
• 22:00:23: Be careful! You really *can* get an STD from a toilet! Just make sure don't sit down before the other guy gets up!!
  
• 22:25:47: Is Shia LaBeouf a little 'happier' than he should be?!?! http://twitpic.com/6zuor
  
• 22:29:59: This backs up what I've said for a long time: Bans on gay marriage (no expectation of monogamy) increase HIV & STD rates! http://ow.ly/koxE
  
• 22:35:10: Goodnight tweeps!! I'm calling it a night!! It's amazing how exhausting relaxing on a river is!! Hehehe
  
• 23:23:19: Tweet = $ + $ + $ . . . Jump in for a signup bonus of $5. http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  

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From Twitter 08-16-2009

• 08:00:43: When I was a kid, my parents used to beat me with a telephone. I was always on the receiving end...
  
• 12:08:08: Hehehe RT @tdhurst: Confession: I have no idea how a sex swing actually works.
  
• 15:11:24: I have a really nice stepladder. Sadly, I never knew my real ladder...
  
• 16:32:26: RT @mlvlatina: I just checked in on Myspace, its pulse is weak, shallow breathing but still alive... for the moment.
  
• 18:50:01: Anyone joining @Actordean and I for Salt River tubing tomorrow??
  
• 18:58:53: Every word is precious, convert your tweets into dollars, get a signup bonus of $5. http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 20:38:35: Just took my 101st mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 22:03:47: When my girlfriend says no to sex, I turn into Luke Skywalker... I use the force!
  

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From Twitter 08-15-2009

• 00:43:20: Just took my 100th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:07:35: One of my friends asked me, "If you could sleep with anyone living or anyone dead, who would it be?" I said "Anyone living!!"
  
• 10:17:55: Again, Twitter?! REALLY?!?!
  
• 12:30:01: Grandma's Roses http://pi.pe/3jpyso
  
• 14:25:00: Been awake since 9am...it's so boring being awake when no one else is!!
  
• 14:50:02: ROFL!! RT @thajumpsta "I'm not gay but I'm glad some people are. Cuz in this life, SOMEbodys gotta take it in the ass!" lmao
  
• 15:03:57: Did you hear about the man who bought a sleeping bag? He spent a whole month trying to wake her up!
  
• 15:17:10: So @marqueemarc @chelsiahart @stevenfrombb10, quitting never EVER even crossed your minds?!?!
  
• 15:30:42: I keep getting notified by @Twitter that I've reached my system limit of 1,000 SMS/day, yet they keep coming!!
  
• 16:34:29: Need to make cash on twitter? set up an acount here and start earning today, get a signup bonus of $5 http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 19:13:52: Salt River tubing Monday with @Actordean. Anyone else in??
  
• 22:06:38: The newspapers are claiming that Michael Jackson was left infertile following a childhood beating. That must have been one hell of a wank!!
  

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From Twitter 08-14-2009

• 15:37:55: Need to make cash on twitter? set up an acount here and start earning today, get a signup bonus of $5 http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 16:35:43: RT @PhoenixCub: Little @BayleeDutchess says "Don't worry, Daddy. Ron is taking good care of me!" @MichaelParisi http://twitpic.com/dtyuc
  
• 16:36:10: YAAAAY!! RT @Mrlandmark: @MichaelParisi Congratulations you have reached 800 followers!! Spread the word!-> http://bit.ly/IiORl
  
• 16:56:13: Is cookie dough safe to eat again yet?!
  
• 16:59:43: OMG Poor doggy!! http://ow.ly/k7FM
  
• 18:28:06: IF ONLY IT WERE LEGAL!!! RT @Geisha_Boy: Hunny I'm home! Oh I forgot I'm not married
  
• 18:41:02: I'm sure I'm missing people, but @JBOTTBR @tiki_beard @JohnBarham @daveaz79 @PhoenixCub @TDcub70, please DM me directions to the place...
  
• 22:00:16: My laundry detergent label says "Suitable for whites and colors." (I didn't think you could still call them that!!) <Totally a retweet!!>
  
• 22:36:36: Fun night of overeating, Starbucks, & hot gay-smelling menfolk with @daveaz79 @johnbarham @jbottbr @tiki_beard & @phoenixcub!
  

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From Twitter 08-13-2009

• 00:12:10: Just took my 98th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 06:51:57: Missing what sounds like the biggest monsoon of the year!! I hope @BayleeDutchess is okay!!
  
• 06:59:05: RT @TheCosmicJester: Doug Manchester-Catholic Prop 8 supporter, defender of sanctity of marriage, divorced his wife. Gee, what standards.
  
• 07:56:24: I suck at ironing!!
  
• 07:56:34: Palindrome: "Straw? No, too stupid a fad; I put soot on warts."
  
• 07:56:37: Palindrome: "Senile felines."
  
• 08:00:19: Q: Why did the stoner cross the road?
  A: Who else would follow a chicken?!
  
• 08:09:30: On my way to Grandma's funeral... :-(
  
• 08:21:50: Who forgets sunglasses on a trip to California?! Me!! That's who!!
  
• 08:31:13: Why oh why was there no stopping for breakfast?! For God's sake, not even a Starbucks run?! REALLY?!?!
  
• 08:46:59: OMG My uncle's wife's son is a HOTTIE!! So distracting!!
  
• 10:04:18: http://twitpic.com/dqrlh - I love you, Grandma!!
  
• 10:42:33: What is it about little pieces of cheese that make me want to eat little pieces of cheese?
  
• 11:45:44: http://twitpic.com/dr5ku - Who says California is smoggy?!
  
• 14:38:54: http://twitpic.com/drvpp - My Dad!!
  
• 14:49:06: http://twitpic.com/drx8q - David Jeremy Davis plays for Jesus now!
  
• 14:53:02: http://twitpic.com/drxsf - Grandma & Grandpa's final resting place...
  
• 15:00:13: Q: Why should you put on the oxygen mask when a plane is about to crash?
  A: So you can't smell everyone else shitting themselves!!
  
• 15:05:09: My Grandma's final resting place reminds me of Pushing Daisies, and that makes me smile...
  
• 15:16:00: Need to make cash on twitter? set up an acount here and start earning today, get a signup bonus of $5 http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 17:57:15: I knew my dad does Civil War reenactments, but I just learned he's a Confederate! I don't know how to feel! LOL
  
• 20:18:08: In a parking lot with Aunt Nancy eating Dairy Queen... Good times!!
  
• 20:31:22: http://twitpic.com/dtax2 - Mindy's Attack - Dairy Queen Edition
  
• 20:36:21: My Dad's Dictionary: "Pop 'ems" - n. On the interwebs, it's those ad thingies that go POP!!
  
• 22:00:15: Are Jews and Muslims ALLOWED to get the swine flu?
  

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From Twitter 08-12-2009

• 07:34:55: I wish I had bought my plane tickets earlier! I would have saved $200.00 R/T on Southwest!! GRRRR!!!!
  
• 07:35:32: Hahaha RT @phxnerd: i prefer the late night twitter crowd over the day crowd. #twitternights
  
• 07:45:25: Just took my 97th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:01:20: There was this group on Facebook called "Help the Children in Africa who are Suffering from the Heat". So I became a fan.
  
• 08:32:41: Had a really fun game night with @TheCosmicJester, @quaga, and a few non-tweeters. Then swimming and shooting stars! Fun!!
  
• 09:01:27: RT @thebonaventure 30 minutes and counting...at 10am retweet #U.O.Me to us..first five tweets win a room for Aug. 16-20! #U.O.Me
  
• 09:07:03: RT @DailyBaylee http://twitpic.com/ddi8q Daily Mugshot #91 - Another @DailyMugshot with daddy! (@MichaelParisi)
  
• 13:20:50: No more Mogollon Rim for meteor viewing!! Goin' to Maricopa instead!!
  
• 13:24:27: No meteors...too cloudy everywhere that's close enough to drive to. Board games at @thecosmicjester's place!!
  
• 15:03:50: One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make me gain five pounds!!
  
• 15:58:34: FINALLY got my Official #NOH8 photo!! See it at http://ow.ly/jSh3
  
• 16:07:15: Thank you @noh8campaign and @bouska, I LOVE my NOH8 Photo!! http://ow.ly/jSjh @Quispy
  
• 16:24:20: Need to make cash on twitter? set up an acount here and start earning today, get a signup bonus of $5 http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 17:04:19: What's the TSA rule now on liquids?! & if I have something larger than the max (ie deodorant toothpaste) but it's almost empty, is that ok?
  
• 18:02:37: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a savings or checking account. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! Give me ur name & email so I can invite you!
  
• 19:01:29: Plane takes off soon. Won't have WiFi, so with my texts as unreliable as they are, be patient if sending me a tweet or text before Friday!
  
• 19:13:04: No line at security! Seat 19F! I'm on my way soon!
  
• 21:42:14: http://twitpic.com/dp5ym - With Grandma's dog Mindy.
  
• 21:45:26: RT @MarqueeMarc Truer words have never been spoken. RT @youngsinick Homophobia is rooted in misogyny, & most religions perpetuate both. M*
  
• 21:53:14: http://twitpic.com/dp70y - She couldn't care less!
  
• 22:00:23: Some people are really good in bed. Not me! I suffer from insomnia.
  
• 23:24:52: RT @tweetingoc: Ok everyone tweet #jeffputupjessie and get it to the top topic on Twitter. #bb11 (via @Stevenfrombb10)
  

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From Twitter 08-11-2009

• 00:13:47: Just took my 96th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 01:26:33: Kicking some serious @phoenixcub and @thecosmicjester boo-tay at #MarioKart #Wii!!!
  
• 01:40:13: ROFLMAO! RT @alohakupono I LoVE BoOBiES!!!! BUT apparently not as much as the DuDE next to me because he is PLAYiNG with his own!!!
  
• 01:40:13: YiKES!!!
  
• 08:01:07: Some people cause happiness wherever they go. Others cause happiness whenever they go!
  
• 09:03:46: RT @billycurrington: http://twitpic.com/did4s - SWINE FLU SYMPTOM CHECK. If you wake up looking like this, don't go to work.
  
• 10:00:22: RT @thebonaventure 30 minutes and counting...at 10am retweet #U.O.Me to us..first five tweets win a room for Aug. 16-20! #U.O.Me
  
• 15:00:27: The only reason obesity still exists is because bullying has been banned!
  
• 19:37:18: Monetize your twitter account with twivert, get a signup bonus of $5 http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 22:00:23: My girlfriend got stoned yesterday after we had premarital sex. Gosh, I hate being a Muslim!!
  

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From Twitter 08-10-2009

• 00:18:02: Just took my 95th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 00:28:54: RT @DailyBaylee http://twitpic.com/ddi8q Daily Mugshot #91 - Another @DailyMugshot with daddy! (@MichaelParisi)
  
• 08:00:21: My boss gave me a raise today. I could just barely make out her bra through her top!
  
• 15:00:24: Q: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
  A: The taste!
  
• 20:14:08: http://twitpic.com/dgup9 - Severe hat hair! So embarrassing!!
  
• 20:15:13: For last-minute air travel, which is better: Priceline or Hotwire?? Any suggestions, anyone??
  
• 20:41:46: I'm making my tweets permanent with http://BackupMyTweets.com
  
• 21:01:20: Let me be more specific... Anyone know of an airline with good last-minute bereavement rates?? (@foubouphx or anyone else)
  
• 21:03:46: Any travel agent friends I can bribe?!
  
• 21:30:44: Out of my Rx now!! Dammit...missed Target's pharmacy hours!! EVERYONE remind me after 10am tomorrow to go pick up my Rx, please!!! LOL
  
• 22:00:35: Guys like to tell themselves size doesn't matter. Well I just got out of prison. I can assure you it fuckin' does!!
  
• 22:14:16: Does every airline do this?? http://ow.ly/jEh6 And is there any doctor out there willing to do this for me?? http://ow.ly/jEha
  
• 22:20:35: Hey, @UberTwiter, fix your mypict.me pages for photos! They SOOOO need to load faster!!
  
• 22:33:22: ROFLMAO at http://ow.ly/jEkm and the BEST COMMENT EVER: "Man, I want to nail that guy!" HAHAHAHA #GWiP
  
• 22:47:12: #Nintendo #Wii play on the #WFC, anyone?! Mario Kart, perhaps?!
  
• 22:51:27: Ooooh, or how about some #GuitarHero?!?!
  
• 22:56:13: Is cookie dough safe again yet?!
  
• 23:14:10: http://twitpic.com/dhbvb - I unlocked the Cheep Charger! Woo hoo!! LOL
  
• 23:32:32: Hey @thecosmicjester @jime60647 @foubouphx @jbottbr @tiki_beard, online Mario Kart play with me, @phoenixcub, & @johnbarham?!?! Right now!!
  
• 23:40:42: Dude, what's up with the #Nintendo #WFC tonight?!?!
  

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From Twitter 08-09-2009

• 03:06:31: Playing the #Wii right now. Text, reply, DM, or call if you wanna join on the #WFC!!
  
• 03:10:07: made my night!)
  
• 03:14:38: made my night!)
  
• 04:57:05: Yeah!!! Mine are all posting now too!!! RT @atkailash: Wtf twitter? Why even bother posting txt updates from like 2 days ago?
  
• 05:05:49: Shout-outs: @jime60647 @foubouphx @phxmike @brienbear @wild_rumpus @ajpreyes & 2 Twitterless women... (Those not twatting get no names!!)
  
• 05:55:53: As I lay here trying to fall asleep, @BayleeDutchess insists on playing fetch with old receipts!! I love her!! :-)
  
• 06:05:03: Tense moments: @BayleeDutchess is currently stalking a spider which is now hiding behind my headboard! God, I hope she's successful!!
  
• 15:01:35: I'll start the jokes again right where I left off! VERY dirty risqué one coming at 10pm my time tonight!!
  
• 19:07:33: ROFL RT @TheCinema4Pylon: @rainnwilson RT Lewis Black "There is no such thing as soy milk, because there is no soy titty." (@starbuckstink)
  
• 21:00:12: Here's that weird dream I couldn't remember: http://ow.ly/jwba @jime60647 @foubouphx @phxmike @brienbear @wild_rumpus @ajpreyes
  
• 21:02:57: Just took my 94th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 21:38:02: Highlight of my day: Listening 2 Melissa describe a blowjob as "50 bucks, 2 dinners, and a watch" at the @Joan_Rivers Comedy Central Roast!
  
• 21:46:37: "Joan has had her face on more Red Carpets than an Irish lesbian!!!" God I love Brad Garrett at the Comedy Central Roast of @Joan_Rivers!!
  
• 21:49:15: I love this shot!! http://ow.ly/jwk6 #NOH8 #MarriageForNone
  
• 22:04:02: "Old MacDonald had Tourette's. E-i e-i CUNT!!"
  
• 22:09:32: Is Twitter down AGAIN?!?!
  
• 22:13:34: #ThingsINeverWantToHearAgain: @RealGilbert Gottfried talking about his "custard cannon" and "goo bazooka" during @Joan_Rivers' Roast!!
  
• 22:33:22: Hi, I am making money on twitter through twivert. You can also start with a signup bonus of $5. http://www.twivert.com/o/A0
  
• 23:51:53: What did I do wrong, @connorfabiano?! :-'( RT @followermonitor: @MichaelParisi I've noticed that @connorfabiano stopped following you
  

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