From Twitter 11-29-2009

• 00:04:13: Just took my 196th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:01:28: I've never understood the concept of car clamping. You don't want the car to park there, yet u clamp it? Fucking genius!
  
• 15:01:22: Q: What's the best time for a woman to get a sun tan?
  A: While out hanging the clothes on the line, of course!!
  
• 17:13:17: Behold: Frapple® Pie Créme Frappuccino® (I shouldve used cup drizzle). My name-not my recipe. Want it @Starbucks? http://twitpic.com/riryv
  
• 22:02:06: All women try to say size doesn't matter. But you never see a three inch dildo, do you?!
  

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From Twitter 11-28-2009

• 00:29:42: RT @FunnyJoker Who was the first person to look at a chicken and think "I'm gonna eat the 1st thing that comes out of his butt"? @phoenixcub
  
• 08:01:21: Cult - 'kəlt - noun - A small, unpopular religion.
  Re·li·gion - ri-'li-jən - noun - A large, popular cult.
  
• 15:01:26: Ticket-takers...you've got to hand it to 'em!
  
• 18:01:19: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 22:01:35: I just bought an inflatable rubber sex doll. I chose the Muslim version. It blows itself up.
  
• 23:59:25: Just took my 195th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-27-2009

• 01:02:35: Just finished a wonderful date with a hot young Navy sailor.........who wants to see me again!! WOO HOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
  
• 02:43:20: It's like my own private Fleet Week!! :-D
  
• 08:02:38: I've been wondering: When Sting dies, will he be called 'Stung'??
  
• 14:33:34: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:20: My friend has an ear fetish. I told him to be careful or he might get hearing aids!
  
• 22:01:38: Q: What do you call a hooker at Christmas?
  A: A frostitute!
  
• 23:11:13: I learned some things during my 11 hr shift. 1) I can make an Apple Pie Frappuccino®. 2) OJ-Nog is REALLY GOOD! [2 parts OJ, 1 part Egg Nog]
  

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From Twitter 11-26-2009

• 08:03:32: Have you heard about these new cannibal restaurants? Good food and reasonably priced! Only about $15 a head!!
  
• 12:01:28: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! :-)
  
• 15:01:39: I've used up all my sick days, so tomorrow I'm calling in dead.
  
• 22:01:27: Too many cocks spoil the brothel.
  

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From Twitter 11-25-2009

• 08:04:03: Just saw an ad for the Michael Jackson film "This Is It". I hate to be picky, but shouldn't it be called "That Was It"?
  
• 15:01:15: My yoga teacher always gives us too much Om work.
  
• 18:01:25: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.
  
• 22:01:55: Q: What do all wife beaters have in common?
  A: Disobediant wives!
  

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From Twitter 11-24-2009

• 08:02:06: On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  
• 15:02:08: Why do old women all have the same haircut?
  
• 20:56:01: Why are we the only animal for whom exposed teeth shows friendliness and not agression?!
  
• 22:01:37: Q: What language do gay Jews speak?
  A: Heblew.
  

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From Twitter 11-23-2009

• 08:07:07: I'm not afraid of flying. I am, however, afraid of being 35,000 feet in the air and suddenly *not* flying.
  
• 15:01:15: My worst fear is being stuck in a burning car with a baby. The rescuers aren't gonna fuckin' pull ME out first!!
  
• 22:01:48: Q: How much calcium can you get from sucking on a nipple?
  A: Apparently enough to grow a bone!
  

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From Twitter 11-22-2009

• 08:01:27: Can you still take the elevator if the fire is in the stairway??
  
• 15:01:19: Why do mothers take their children to the supermarket just to smack them?!
  
• 18:09:05: http://twitpic.com/qkqri - Sometimes @BatleeDutchess gives me no choice!!
  
• 18:11:24: http://twitpic.com/qkr2i - This is how I'll stay warm this winter, thanks to @BayleeDutchess!!
  
• 19:00:50: Mmmmm... Tacos........ http://twitpic.com/qky80
  
• 19:09:49: I was so trying to avoid it, but I've now discovered the joys of a Caramel Macchiato!! Somebody stop me!! :-/
  
• 20:02:20: http://twitpic.com/ql76m - #Engrish #fail at @PandaExpressInc!! Hehe
  
• 22:01:24: Some call it premature ejaculation. I call it efficient time management!
  

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From Twitter 11-21-2009

• 08:01:26: Q: How many fat people does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: They don't need to. The fridge has its own light!
  
• 15:01:21: I took a fistful of Ex-Lax and huffed some nitrous oxide just for shits and giggles!
  
• 18:02:25: Cool! I'm part of a beta retweet group on Twitter!! Y'all jealous?!?! Hehehe
  
• 22:01:15: Have you seen the new German microwave? It seats 20.
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 194th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-20-2009

• 08:02:09: Bulimics are just anorexics who support the economy.
  
• 12:05:17: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:45: I like my women like I like my dinner. In the kitchen!
  
• 22:01:38: Having the cold or flu is the only time a guy can keep tissues by his bed without people getting suspicious.
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 193rd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-19-2009

• 08:00:14: Win awesome prizes with Microsoft. Just follow @microsofttag and RT http://bit.ly/3l8mDF #ad
  
• 08:08:04: CONGRATULATIONS!! You have reached the level of 'Social Retard' in Farmville!
  
• 09:02:29: Why am I hitting EVERY red light today?!?! Grrrrrrrrrr
  
• 15:01:19: Why do people in wheelchairs get 2 board planes 1st? It's not like they have 2 stand around waiting like the rest of us!
  
• 22:01:30: Can you help me with a crossword puzzle?? It's a 6-letter word for "Jewish Baker": H _ T L _ R
  
• 22:41:25: It's so nice to see Phantom again with the real chandelier all the parts back in! :-) Now I gotta prepare to work after no sleep!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 192nd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-18-2009

• 01:24:41: I wanted to see 2012. I saw 2012. Still not quite sure how I feel about 2012...
  
• 08:01:11: Q: How do you make your dishwasher sweep the floor?
  A: Put a broom in the bitches hand!
  
• 14:11:34: Proofreading FAIL!! That 8am post should be "bitch's", not "bitches". Possessive, not plural. My bad!!!
  
• 15:01:04: Last week I exposed myself while on vacation in Tokyo. Never again though! It was just a flash in Japan.
  
• 22:01:34: I call my Asian girlfriend 'Panda'. It's not a racial slur...it's that she's usually walking around with 2 black eyes.
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 191st mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-17-2009

• 08:01:20: My ex-boyfriend came around the other day... Grrrr! Next time, I'll have to up the dosage!
  
• 15:01:04: Employers can avoid hiring unlucky people by randomly throwing away half the resumes up front!
  
• 22:01:24: My boyfriend said that I feel big inside him. Apparently, "You feel so big around me!" is NOT the right response!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 190th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-16-2009

• 08:06:14: Most men fantasize about having sex with two at once. I fantasize about getting just one to have sex with me twice!
  
• 15:02:08: Pres·sure - 'pre-shər - noun - Having a wife, mistress, and mortgage...ALL one month late.
  
• 17:15:59: Oh. My. God. My pharmacist is goooooorgeous!!!!!
  
• 21:47:06: http://twitpic.com/pu5z2 - Hehe! I love LOLcats!!
  
• 21:49:05: http://twitpic.com/pu66w - Biggest. Fail. EVER!!!!
  
• 21:53:08: http://twitpic.com/pu6l7 - I work with the freakin' hottest people!! Here's @CierraD -- wowie zowie!!!!!!
  
• 22:01:31: My boyfriend says he can't wait for the day I go down on one knee. Why would I bother when he ALREADY goes down on two?!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 189th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-15-2009

• 01:47:30: ATTENTION: @PhoenixCub is the proud owner of a new pair of Crocs. Congratulate him now...
  
• 02:02:33: Don't ask me how, but tonight I actually kicked MYSELF in the balls... Long story...
  
• 02:18:38: For the record, @PhoenixCub, the socks were necessary because I was trying on WORK shoes there!!
  
• 02:28:46: HAHAHA RT @alicam: I quite enjoy teaching my kids grammar. Had them stumped for a while on the silent P, as in "swimming". Hee hee.
  
• 03:01:19: It's fucking cold out here, and it's only 54F!! What's wrong with me?!?! LOL
  
• 08:02:31: Can people of mixed race be trusted? They do, after all, have a dark side!
  
• 15:01:29: Th chrch wnts 2 move fwd on female bishops, bt they cn only move diagonally! Gay priests go anywhere cuz they're queens!
  
• 22:01:30: Why the fuck does my girlfriend get pregnant so often?! Does she think I'm fucking made of wire coathangers?!?!
  
• 23:30:38: sponsored FOXnews reported #1 online $8 Rx glasses store: ZenniOptical.com. 5600+styles! Holiday Frames! Check it out. http://bit.ly/3GnDTJ
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 188th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-14-2009

• 01:25:32: Just saw the #SYTYCD Season 5 Tour!! Met ALL 12 of them!! Pictures to follow...
  
• 01:29:07: http://twitpic.com/pg74g - Here was the (unzoomed) view from my seat for the #SYTYCD Season 5 Tour!!
  
• 01:32:07: http://twitpic.com/pgoaj - Me with Kupono from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:33:03: http://twitpic.com/pgodf - Me with Caitlin from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:34:09: http://twitpic.com/pgogn - Me with Melissa from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:35:10: http://twitpic.com/pgoj2 - Me with Brandon from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:36:09: http://twitpic.com/pgoln - Me with Randi from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:37:04: http://twitpic.com/pgoo0 - Me with Jason from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:39:04: http://twitpic.com/pgot8 - Me with Evan from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:39:07: http://twitpic.com/pgotj - Me with Phillip from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:41:07: http://twitpic.com/pgoyl - Me with Jeanine from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:42:04: http://twitpic.com/pgp1k - Me with Kayla & Janette from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 01:43:09: http://twitpic.com/pgp4f - Me with Ade from #SYTYCD Season 5!!
  
• 08:01:29: I was disappointed when I discovered that therapistfinder.com helps people find psychological help! Very misleading! :-(
  
• 08:31:50: Thanks for the #ff, @teeco71
  
• 15:01:10: They say men can't multitask. That's not true! I'm taking a shit while I'm typing this up!!
  
• 17:20:01: I'm streaming video LIVE from my iPhone RIGHT NOW!! See what it's all about at http://mikeyp.us/Qik http://qik.ly/qXmg
  
• 17:22:56: I'm streaming video LIVE from my iPhone RIGHT NOW!! See what it's all about at http://mikeyp.us/Qik http://qik.ly/qXpU
  
• 17:31:04: I'm streaming video LIVE from my iPhone RIGHT NOW!! See what it's all about at http://mikeyp.us/Qik http://qik.ly/qXsf
  
• 18:01:23: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 22:01:47: My long term fuck buddy says I have a problem with commitment.
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 187th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-13-2009

• 00:22:12: Lol. Ok. Nite
  
• 08:02:27: Brick - 'brik - noun - A rectangular block of building material. Synonym - Poor man's roofies.
  
• 12:05:09: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:20: Am I the only person who would love to see boxing brought into the Special Olympics?!?!
  
• 18:14:14: Testing Tweety from Google Wave, thanks to @rellwood!! Thank you soooo much!! :-)
  
• 21:03:33: Well, I got in! I'm way on the side, but I got 2nd row for the #SYTYCD Season 5 tour!! :-D
  
• 22:01:05: Women are good for 70 reasons: 69 and cooking.
  
• 22:35:13: http://twitpic.com/pg74g -
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 186th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-12-2009

• 08:05:04: Since Muslim women can't show their faces, do they have Eyebook profiles instead??
  
• 15:01:33: I hate people with hat fetishes! If I ever meet one in person, I'll pop a cap in their ass!
  
• 17:48:17: No joke...I have not charged the Bluetooth speakerphone clipped to my sun visor in AT LEAST a yeah and a half!! How is it still working?!?!
  
• 22:01:21: I love waking up with a stiffy in the morning. But then again, I'm a necrophiliac...
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 185th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-11-2009

• 00:02:42: Just took my 184th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:08:03: Most popular last words: "Hey, watch this!"
  
• 15:03:17: My boyfriend told me he was constipated. So I kicked the shit out of him!
  
• 18:03:25: Let me refer u to ING Direct for a new acct. U get a $25 bonus, I get $10! FREE MONEY!! Contact me for info.
  
• 19:05:15: i4vegas.com needs HONEST feedback on their new site design. Please "Send Feedback" link in UR corner of home pg sponsor http://bit.ly/qz4xv
  
• 22:02:31: I love when he screams my name during sex! I just wish he wouldn't close the blinds after he sees me!
  
• 22:44:30: Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't handicapped accessibility kinda a federal *requirement*?!?! #Glee #GleeOnFox
  

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From Twitter 11-10-2009

• 02:39:56: Just took my 183rd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:06:03: Sus·pi·cion - sə-'spi-shən - noun - When the only site showing in your boyfriend's browsing history is Google.
  
• 15:01:09: I have a photographic memory...I forget things in a flash!
  
• 22:01:51: You know it was a good wank when you wake up on the floor with a nosebleed!!
  
• 22:13:16: Jackie called me a green bean today!! Hehehe
  
• 22:29:19: Don't know what it is about this season's #SYTYCD, but I'm just not really feelin' it! The new set doesn't help! (Still love Mollee though!)
  

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From Twitter 11-09-2009

• 08:05:18: Apparently, ignorance is bliss. I wouldn’t know!!
  
• 15:02:12: U know u r addicted to Facebook when u start referring to yourself in the 3rd person in real life. Michael likes this.
  
• 16:34:26: 24 whole hours off!! Woo hooooooooo!!!!!
  
• 22:01:07: I'm worried!! One of my testicles is bigger than the other two. Is this normal?!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 182nd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-08-2009

• 00:15:41: Really?! No Taylor Swift interruption sketches on SNL?!?! I feel cheated!! Yo SNL: Give the people what they expect!!
  
• 08:02:30: I hate writing reports on industrial adhesives. I always get stuck!
  
• 15:01:23: Remember to always steal enough money to hire a lawyer to prove you are innocent!!
  
• 17:25:37: So cute!!! My cat @BayleeDutchess has now learned to drop the ball into my hand when plating fetch!! :-D
  
• 22:01:12: Q: Why don't witches wear panties?
  A: More grip on the broomstick!!
  
• 23:50:08: Just took my 181st mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-07-2009

• 08:06:09: Q: How do you make Holy Water?
  A: You just take regular tap water and boil the hell out of it!
  
• 12:27:13: http://twitpic.com/on9tj - I have saved the day!! We are all safe again!! :-)
  
• 15:01:21: The story of "Goldilocks" taught me that breaking into someone's house is ok as long as they have good food!
  
• 22:01:16: Q: What's the difference between my boyfriend and my Xbox?
  A: My Xbox doesn't have a red ring yet!
  
• 23:32:14: Just took my 180th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-06-2009

• 08:01:08: The next time someone says paper beats rock, I'll throw rocks at them and give them a piece of paper for protection.
  
• 12:05:14: #FollowFriday Two great causes for Marriage Equality! @MarriageForNone and @NOH8campaign Follow and help them trend! #MARRIAGEFORNONE #NOH8
  
• 15:01:13: My boyfriend said he wanted me to be more like his ex... So I dumped him!
  
• 17:40:09: http://twitpic.com/ojo9x - Beautiful orange sunset!!
  
• 17:54:41: On my way to the State Fair with @PhoenixCub.
  
• 18:22:08: http://twitpic.com/ojv1d - Our local 7-Eleven!! Wow!!
  
• 22:01:39: I was going to give up flashing , but decided to stick it out for another year.
  
• 23:04:34: Fact: It takes no longer than 4 hours to get thru the entire @AZStateFair!!
  
• 23:25:39: Yaaaay for the @AZStateFair!! :-D http://yfrog.com/2py21kj http://yfrog.com/72r0qj http://yfrog.com/5k1u7j
  
• 23:42:14: Yaaaay for the @AZStateFair!! :-D http://twitpic.com/ol31z http://twitpic.com/ol31x http://twitpic.com/ol327
  
• 23:50:16: Just took my 179th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-05-2009

• 05:53:35: RT @MichaelParisi Hey @Survivor_Samoa & @Survivor_CBS, when am I going to be cast on Survivor?!?!
  
• 08:11:08: Just letting you all know that due to the current economic climate I can no longer afford to pay attention.
  
• 15:01:50: I'm not stalking you! I'm admiring you from a distance...
  
• 16:44:16: Please please please sign up for this! There's a referral contest going on & I really wanna win it! http://bit.ly/4FZdjD
  
• 16:55:44: Please sign up using THIS referral link for a contest I really wanna win!! Use it, or don't, but please sign up! :-) http://bit.ly/4FZdjD
  
• 17:11:07: Is anyone getting spam-like DIRECT messages from me?? There seems to be something going around Twitter.... :-(
  
• 17:50:27: Don't miss @Survivor_Samoa tonight!! :-D
  
• 21:57:48: Watching "The Empire Strikes Back" with @PhoenixCub and realizing how gleefully bad it is!!
  
• 22:01:33: A reporter stopped me on the street & asked where I stand on gang rape? "About 4th in line" wasn't the expected answer!
  
• 23:50:10: Just took my 178th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-04-2009

• 01:37:09: Just finished watching "V" on ABC with @PhoenixCub. It's a good show!!!
  
• 08:05:03: My friend has just had emergency surgery on her hands. I keep calling to see how it went, but she’s not picking up.
  
• 10:01:27: Advertisement: Watches make great gifts! Head over to bluedial.com for great deals on watches from @bluedial! http://bit.ly/2P9Toh
  
• 16:23:46: Decided to stick with the iPhone over an Android by Motorola... It's too cool to pass up!!
  
• 16:26:19: http://twitpic.com/oan17 - If I keep getting one every week like this, I'm gonna run out of room!! :-P
  
• 16:59:02: Home from work with Chipotle and wearin' my Crocs! Now I'm gonna curl up with CBS and go to bed early! God, I'm old!! :-/
  
• 22:01:09: Drunk driving is whisky business!
  
• 22:33:15: Just took my 177th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-03-2009

• 12:18:53: Off work before noon, but oddly sticky!! :-/
  
• 13:13:33: sponsored Chat With Singles In Your ZIP Code!
  Find Local Singles to Chat With.
  Fun, FREE, and Exciting!
  http://bit.ly/ho19u
  
• 13:30:29: Ad: Enter the "Rock the Cheese" video contest from CheezDoodles. The best video wins a rockin' prize!! http://bit.ly/10RTiJ @cheezdudes
  
• 15:01:55: I keep asking Princess Leia out on a date and she keeps saying 'No'. I seem to be looking for love in Alderaan places.
  
• 19:40:59: God didn't rest on Day 7! He couldn't relax til Day 8 when He invented Crocs, then He rested 4 eternity!!! Did I mention they're heavenly?!
  
• 22:01:15: Q: What's the best thing about screwing a tranny?
  A: Doing a reach-around & pretending it's gone all the way through!
  
• 22:43:08: Original tart. @MoJoYogurt. @PhoenixCub. Silly bottom. 'Nuff said!!
  
• 23:50:09: Just took my 176th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 11-02-2009

• 01:18:12: Just took my 175th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 01:42:30: Effective now - NO MORE WARNINGS!! I will be crude and/or offensive at any time. Unfollow now if that bothers you! You've been warned!
  
• 08:04:03: I don't think my goldfish appreciates his castle. Ungrateful little shit!
  
• 08:04:54: Tuesday is Election Day in #NYC. Vote for better schools, a safer city, honest government. Vote Bloomberg! http://bit.ly/37mCEr #ad
  
• 09:12:44: November 3rd is Election Day in #NYC. Tweet Out The Vote! #twitter http://bit.ly/4c6tTg #ad
  
• 11:06:06: Lets keep a good thing going! Vote Bloomberg 11/3 #Yankees http://bit.ly/4lTcDA #ad
  
• 12:25:54: Tuesday is Election Day. Vote for better schools, a safer city. Vote Bloomberg! #Manhattan http://bit.ly/3a6HwP #ad
  
• 13:08:00: Tuesday is Election Day. Vote for better schools, honest government. Vote Bloomberg! #Brooklyn http://bit.ly/4BggfE #ad
  
• 14:03:47: Tuesday is Election Day. Vote for better schools, a safer city. Vote Bloomberg! #Queens http://bit.ly/3wBTVM #ad
  
• 17:59:10: I love that all the Apple Store workers are long-bearded hippies or Birkenstocked lezzies! That makes me smile!!
  

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From Twitter 11-01-2009

• 02:27:18: Fun Halloween gathering with @jime60647 (aka Helga Fugli), @foubouphx, then burgers at Delux with @phoenixcub and our GORGEOUS waiter Tyler!
  
• 08:02:05: Today will be a quiet day for bad jokes. Last year on this day was my mom's memorial service.
  
• 23:50:10: Just took my 174th mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  

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From Twitter 10-31-2009

• 04:20:08: Just took my 173rd mugshot! http://www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/24652
  
• 08:01:15: I don't care how good you think you are, never try to catch an iron if you drop it.
  
• 09:01:08: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! This is my favorite holiday!! What are everyone's plans tonight??
  
• 15:01:11: Why is it when a woman sleeps w/lots of men she's called a slut? A man goes out and does the same, he's called "gay"!
  
• 18:01:49: $100.00 off new DirecTV acct 4 BOTH of us! Call 877-4-100-EACH & give them acct number 26071932 (Michael Parisi).
  
• 18:42:04: Hey local peeps: Is there a mailbox or an open post office near me that will STILL postmark TODAY?!?!
  
• 20:26:21: I'm on my way to a Halloween party in a black cloak carrying a bottle of roofies. I'll be the Grim Raper.
  
• 22:02:20: "Single and ready to mingle!" just has a better ring to it than "Loner with a Boner".
  

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